Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Zeno Thul]

"Life isn't the only thing that is strange, but it certainly is. But what do you find particularly strange at this moment?"

He wipes away a tear from her face with his thumb.

"That Darth Baras's brother is a popular romance novelist?" he asks with a small smirk, trying to lighten the mood slightly.

[Luth Khalan]

"Just... how all of this played out. The thing with the Emperor, and Baras, and life in general and how it all came together," she said, sniffling. She didn't hold back her tears around Zeno, just letting them flow as they would. "And now... I don't know. I know what I need to do, at least. I need to make sure all of Syl's and my children are safe. That they know they're loved. I have to fight Zakuul with everything I have... and eventually, I have to go to the Jedi."

She couldn't help a little hiccuping laugh at that. "Apparently he is. I had no idea."

[Zeno Thul]

"Unless you feel the need to go to the Jedi for a personal reason, you really don't need to. I have not stepped foot in a Jedi temple or enclave since I attacked the one on Dantooine over a decade ago. To be fair, they probably wouldn't invite me in. But we have the Paladins on Alderaan if you are looking for a path to the light. Or I could show you how I did it for a little while. Feels gross to me because I am a ball of emotion, agressive and obsession. But I gave it a try and know how to get there."

There's no judgement or expectation from him. He is just happy she is allowing herself to feel. He was no therapist, but he has been a long time proponent of therapeutic crying and screaming.

"If you like, I can loan you a couple of the books. I think after reading them you will be equally unsurprised they were written by a Sith. I have the entire collection."

[Luth Khalan]

she chuckled a little bit and wiped her tears. "I'll take a look. I think... I need to go, though. I think it's where things have been taking me. The future may be an ocean, but oceans have currents. It's not a bad thing to follow them."

She looked down at their hands. "Sharing a brain with the Emperor... sharing a mind, in some ways, as well... changed a lot. And now this has changed a lot, as well."

[Zeno Thul]

"If that is the path you choose, I'll support you in it how I can. But the light does feel super gross, just telling you now," he says with a smirk.

But he couldn't shake a worry. "If you go to them though... will they punish you for activities you've been a part of? The only thing I ever did was attack a military target during war, didn't break any Republic rules of war. Which probably drives a few of the Jedi crazy. But they might be able to tie you to some of Baras's activities that can be prosecuted. I really don't want that to happen."

[Luth Khalan]

She couldn't help but laugh at his description of the light. "I'll keep that in mind."

She smiled a little. "They will. I think... that needs to happen, or at least it needs to be addressed. The people who were left behind and hurt by what I did deserve justice, and I need to see it through for my own peace of mind. It will probably be mitigated somewhat by what I plan to do against Zakuul, but... it'll be okay, regardless."

[Zeno Thul]

"I'll probably plop myself on a capital ship during the fighting and help push engagements in our favor. I suspect after Zakuul figures out what I'm doing I'll become a prime target though. That power is... people don't like when it's used against them. It can turn an even battle into a relative slaughter. So, I'll probably have a target painted on my back eventually. Have to figure out how to play the shell game with ships probably. But they're targeting the home of my daughters, so I'm going to make them pay for every step, and hopefully help force them back."

He sighs softly, "What is your plan?"

[Luth Khalan]

She frowned. "Dangerous. Be careful out there, Zeno. I don't want to hear about another of my friends dying."

"I... need to find out who I am and what my value outside of being an assassin," she began slowly. "But there's still something I can do. Zakuul's fleet is mostly automated by some kind of self-aware AI neural net... thing. I don't know much about it. But there's some kind of proprietary hardware that we can use to crack their data signals and disrupt their ships. They have some kind of central hub, and if we can break that down... we win."

She looked up to the sky, as if looking at Zakuul's fleet through the ceiling of the ship. "I have the skills to potentially be able to get behind enemy lines and steal what we need to do it."

[Zeno Thul]

"How do you have information on how their technology works? Is the source trustworthy? Was it from having the emperor in your head?" he asks.

"I don't doubt your ability to put a plan like that in motion. But I once gave out a fake access device for the Thul estate so that my target would use it and the security system tracked it's attempt to enter. Didn't set off any obvious alarms, but we had the infiltrator in custody minutes after they entered. I don't trust any data or device that I haven't acquired by my own means. It could be a trap."

[Luth Khalan]

"We do have information about how it works, source isn't trustworthy, seems right, but I was kinda focused on other things," she said, ticking off her fingers. "We'll obviously have to make sure from multiple sources that it's legit. Confirmation with source technology, etc. Plan can't go forward until then. I'm not just going to jump into something like that. Lot of other intelligence needs to be gathered, so there's plenty to do in the mean time."

[Zeno Thul]

"Okay. Just... make certain that you are as safe as you can be for your family. My home is their home as long as they want or need it, but I truly hope that they will have you for as long as they can."

He smiles softly. "Another reason I am not a fan of the Jedi. I really hope they don't try to set aside your attachment to your children. I suspect they won't but some of them can be very enthusiastic about their beliefs and code."

[Luth Khalan]

"I don't know yet... I'm going to hold onto hope in that regard, though. I'll make sure they're safe and provided for and know that they're loved no matter what happens." She doubted they'd force children through undue misery after all they'd already suffered. It wasn't like Jedi didn't get attached to her padawans. As long as it didn't result in more bad decisions due to fear, it should be all right. She'd have to trust that it would be all right.

"I'll look after myself, Zeno, I promise." She gave a small laugh. "Besides, I don't want to stretch Duchess Thul's patience too thin."

[Zeno Thul]

"If she gets angry enough I'll let her take it out of my hide," he says with a chuckle. "But if you are helping in the war with Zakuul I suspect that would be enough for her to help out honestly. Since they are trying to kill or subdue everyone. Common enemy and all that."

"I'll... eventually we can't be around for our children. Time is a burden like that. But the important thing is using what time we have for their benefit. I think even Baras was doing that in a way, building up resources that they would have when he was gone. If they or you ever want help reclaiming that for them, just have to say the word."

[Luth Khalan]

"That's true. I think you're right about that, not that he ever expressed as much," she sighed. "Ten years together and you would think we could be a little bit honest with one another..."

She shook her head. "One of them might choose that, eventually. It was meant for the three of us. I always intended to leave the option of seeking that out open to them. It's their right, and their choices shouldn't be limited by anyone. I just didn't want them to be forced into killing either of us just because they're Sith. I suppose Draahg is their target now, if they so decide."

A flick of her fingers over the data pad. "... They have my... Well, the man I think was my father's eyes. As close as someone as human as they are can. Similar to their fathers', too."

[Zeno Thul]

"They will always be a reminder of him because of that. Which will likely be hard for you. It's easy for me to see Ziandra in Kasha and Opila's faces, but I don't have mixed emotions on their mother so there is not a lot of advice I have for that particular thought. That's something you need to work out in your own mind. But I will always be glad to listen, even in cases like that where my advice has a 99% chance of just being useless," he replies with a smile.

[Luth Khalan]

"I think I need to square all that bullshit at the end with myself... I just don't want to leave anything bad for them to deal with. They deserve better."

[Zeno Thul]

"Yeah. There are certain things we can only do ourselves. No matter how much others want to help, it's just too internal. But I believe in you and believe you will figure it all out."

[Luth Khalan]

She smiled. "Thanks. There's a lot to figure out. For everyone between all our personal stuff and Zakuul. I know everyone here has something going on."

[Zeno Thul]

"There's never so much going on that I can't make time to help my loved ones," he says with a smile. "You have my information, and you're going to be moving away from the assassinations and infiltrations, so get used to calling me when you need it. You may feel reticent about doing so, and the Jedi may encourage you to not communicate with dark influences. But a good number of them know better than that. I'm not going to try to divert you from the path you want to take, but I will try to find ways to support you how I can. Don't hesitate and don't choose loneliness. Your children are not the only person that you are important too Luth."

[Luth Khalan]

She chuckled. "I'll remember. I promise I'll call if I need anything, even if it's just to hear a friendly voice on the other end of the comms. I've chosen loneliness too many times. It's time to stop that. Besides... I've always been driven by love for everyone around me." She squeezed his hands. "I'm just trying to learn to trust them and stop being so afraid for them all the time, now. I don't think the love itself is bad."

"Besides... Some Jedi might discourage it, but Tethys encouraged me to seek your help with the kids in the first place."

[Zeno Thul]

"I think the ones that have spent time talking to me know that I stay with the dark because my personality would clash with the light... and that would probably actually make me far more unstable and dangerous. It actually did for the couple months I tried because it just felt confusing and wrong. Maybe it's the Sith blood that allows me to not devolve into total self absorbed madness, maybe I just stumbled onto the right state of being for myself."

He pauses a bit to transition from observations to theories.

"But I'd say I'm no worse than a lot of pretty nasty people that operate within the legal and moral limits of Republic society. I just make the blind zealots uncomfortable, and that is their problem. Folks like Tethys and Katarzyna see that I'm not sticking to the dark because I want to be Michael McBadGuy."

And then he smiles warmly.

"And that is what I want for my daughters, your sons, Syl's daughters, and you. To understand what the force can be for you and how to be comfortable with your power, however you all choose to wield it. I'm not a great teacher, but I think I have figured out some stuff dealing with being who you are and how the force interacts with that existence."

[Luth Khalan]

"I'm well aware. I worked with some of those people, letting them treat me like a disposable asset," she replied with a shake of her head. "I know how bad the Republic can be, and I used to think they were just sides, both of whom just saw me as a monster on a leash."

"That's genuinely really inspiring."