Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Layne Hoshin]

She was supposed to have these sessions with Thy every day; so they could see her progress and the like. Yesterday had been a bit too hectic for anything too in-depth though. She'd mostly just handed off Skivulker to her with a basic explanation. Layne assumed that had gone more or less fine thus far. If Thy had gotten herself turned into a pile of electrified ash, she'd have probably heard about it by now, after all.

Anyway. Layne went in search of her to see what's what and if she was actually back on the trust tract again, even if only a little.

[Thy Yulani]

They was in her room waiting on her meditation mat.

[Layne Hoshin]

She walked in, frowned at the meditation mat for a moment, then sat down.

"...how's Skivulker?"

[Thy Yulani]

"Surprisingly upbeat, better when she found her shipmates were alive," she responded.

[Layne Hoshin]

"That's... good," she said.

It *was* good that the rest of her crew was alive, of course. No thanks to her. But how exactly was it that she could be upbeat after killing those guys like that, when Layne was still feeling like bantapoodoo?

"...did she tell you more about, what happened?"

[Thy Yulani]

"I did not push her but she acted as an champion for bloody pit matches, I can imagine what she was subjected to," she responded.

[Layne Hoshin]

"I saw her turn two guys to ash in an instant by calling on the dark side," she said, "That's... a lot more power than someone without any training should've been able to put out."

She shook her head. "...yet when I asked her about whether she was angry at me, she barely even seemed to understand what I was getting at."

[Thy Yulani]

"Why would she be angry with you? You did not intentionally leave them behind, I hope?" she asked.

[Layne Hoshin]

"No but..." She shook her head, "...clearly I should've been more thorough to check if they were really dead."

[Thy Yulani]

"I bet everyone one of us has a similar story of something we should have done on that day, it was chaos. What's done is done, if it bothers you then tell her and the others you are sorry anyway," she said.

"I don't think she holds a grudge, and it is not unheard of for people to utilize powerful Force abilities with little training."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Everything bothers me, lately," she said, "I went there to do some good. A kid got shot because of it. I still do good by getting skivulker out of there. And then, I still just get angry about how she isn't angry."

[Thy Yulani]

"You are not happy with yourself and seeking external stimulus to jump start that dopamine hit," she replied.

"Just guessing I am not a counselor by any means."

[Layne Hoshin]

"I guess that's part of it," she said, "Also maybe I'm just jealous because of it."

[Thy Yulani]

"Why?" she asked.

[Layne Hoshin]

"It's just going to sound selfish again," she sighed, "never mind. I'm just, back to being who I was back on Nar Shaddaa, I guess. All the feelings and thoughts I never properly resolved just popping back up as if they were just waiting for the chance."

[Thy Yulani]

"It's just going to sound selfish again," she sighed, "never mind. I'm just, back to being who I was back on Nar Shaddaa, I guess. All the feelings and thoughts I never properly resolved just popping back up as if they were just waiting for the chance."

"Well I am listening, just tell me," he said. "If you feel up to it."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Honestly, I'm getting a little sick of talking about it," she said, "I'm sure you know most of the details anyway. Family killed on a slave raid. Became a slave. Endured things. Did other things. Sold off. Enduring new things, did the other things again. Then a Sith came. Then endured things again. Blah blah, became a Sith myself. Did the things again..."

She sighed.

"... I don't know all the details, but I can guess, sort of. So many people went out to help Vaylin the other day. Now she's here on base. Walking free. Mom there. The start of a happy ending, I guess. And I'm just... angry about it. Having difficulty accepting that nobody ever came for me like that during all that time. I feel like that every time I see someone else being happy or accomplishing something or being relevant or important somehow, or... whatever, anything at all ... I know that's selfish and I'm supposed to be old enough to be past all that, but... that's a big part of how I feel."

[Thy Yulani]

"You often make it clear you don't want people to come after you or save you, if you keep people at arm's length don't be afraid if they stay at arm's length," she offered.

"As for Vaylin, I think there was the added measure that she could destroy us all and wanting to help Senya."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Yeah. I don't know what I want, I guess."

[Thy Yulani]

"Yeah. I don't know what I want, I guess."

"Answer this, do you approach people, I mean your friends, just to be in their presence or when you have need of something?" she asked.

[Layne Hoshin]

"...I don't even know how to answer that, to be honest."

She sighed.

"Thy... the first person I felt that kind of connection to, or *any* connection to for that matter, was a ruthless ancient Sith ghost who possessed people so she could come back to live to rule as queen. I... try to help people when I can... I don't think of them as just tools... but... the way I was raised, I'm honestly not sure I even have the ability to form any real relationships like that. I don't even know what having fun is, as it turns out. If I can't figure something that basic out, how am I supposed to have meaningful friendships?"

[Thy Yulani]

Thy nodded and said, "I feel you have a lot to learn about yourself."

[Layne Hoshin]

"...Yeah."

She sat there for a moment, then looked away.

"...Anyway. There's this thing that happened today that I'm not sure you've heard about but may or may not turn into a thing?"

[Thy Yulani]

"Go ahead, I am listening," she said.

[Layne Hoshin]

"...I was hoping you'd just nod and not make me say it."

She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Ugh. I'm sure you heard about the new Darth that showed up? If he even *is* a Darth. Turns out that it appears that Darth Baras had a brother... better known as Jerri Organa. Who seems to be obsessed with me. Romantically? It's... weird all around."