Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Zeno Thul]

Zeno approached and knocked on the door to Layne's confinement area. He had no clue how this was going to go and 'I told you so' was certainly not the direction he was heading. He wasn't the closest person to her, but they had so much in common. They graduated from the same place, both got their asses handed to them in a fight with Baras, both moved to the Republic about the same time, and both shot barbs at each other.

He waited for a reply.

[Layne Hoshin]

She wasn't quite there yet, to where she had to go...

...but she could at least see it now.

Of course it had started with that vision; the key to it all. But then there'd been a lot of people who had said their piece to her to follow. Each conversation building up to something; every word taken in and adding up. The Chiss being his confusing self but making sense all the same. Luth helping her realize a thing or two. Unburdening herself to Baesal and crying like she never had. Pipka making her laugh like she never could.

The Layne that sat there in her makeshift cell now wasn't whole. But she wasn't as broken anymore either. Some of the load had been taken off, and now she was just sitting there, waiting for the rest to come.

If someone wanted to enter the cell, then presumably they just could.

[Zeno Thul]

Zeno suspected she'd not be excited to see him. Just like every other time they met. But that didn't really bother him. He entered and gave Layne a nod before finding a place to lean against the wall.

"Damn. You really screwed things up for yourself didn't you? What do you need to work your way back? And how can I help?" he asks.

[Layne Hoshin]

"Just time, I guess," she said, after a moment of silence passing between them. There was no animosity toward him, no aura of recrimination, she just sat there, looking weirdly serene. Not serene in the way of the Jedi, certainly. Part of that brokenness was still there, after all. But even so, this was a kind of accepting calm that was way out of character for Layne.

She wasn't sure if he was talking about the Order, the Republic, or whatever, but she answered the question as if it had been about what she herself had been thinking about.

"...That's all."

[Zeno Thul]

"I'm about to monologue, cause you seem to be in more of a listening mood. You know, very few people know about it, but I used the light for a few months shortly after moving to Alderaan. I've done some internal exploration to improve my understanding of the Force. I usually don't tell people because most Jedi would get on my ass about it and try to convince me to make it a permanent change," he admits to her before sliding down the wall and settling on the floor.

"And I would appreciate if you didn't spread that around. Wouldn't want people to think I was ever interested in the light." Zeno smirks at her.

"But the point of telling you that is so you can understand that it is one more thing we have in common. Raised in the dark, went to the light, then returned to the dark. Sure, it's not the same, but I know what it feels like to live in the light. And I think it is where you belong."

He begins fiddling with a small toy that was probably from one of his daughters. A little thranta figurine.

"You are like me and pretty fiercely independent from how I understand you. I don't think you ever needed the Jedi, but you really don't belong with the Sith. You care too much for the Sith and refuse to sit on your ass like the Jedi. So when we clear all of this up... I want to ask you to work with me to make the galaxy safer. No clandestine groups or grand traditions. Just some people identifying threats and dealing with them together, minus the religious trappings."

He pauses and looks at her, curious what she thought about all of that.

[Layne Hoshin]

She was quiet as he spoke. Then quiet some more as his words ended and he waited for a response.

"...no," it finally came.

"I think that when all this is done, I need to just... be. Make some amends to the extent I can. Maybe just, wander the galaxy for a bit. Neither light or dark. Or both. I don't know..."

She looked up at him. "...I'll fight threats if I'm called to, of course. Big or small. Help people if I see them in need. But I can't go back to chasing these things. I can't go back to deriving my self-worth from them. I have to just... learn to accept the fact I don't have to be a hero to be okay."

[Zeno Thul]

"I mean, that's basically what I want for you. Like I said, I think you are too independent for a big organization. You spent too long taking orders and it's not for you. You've let others tell you what to do too often, even after getting your freedom. I want to see you free."

He shifts and rests the thranta on his knee.

"The only way I have found to utilize the force is through the light or dark. No neutral force connection exists as far as I have been able to determine. But in the process I have found that the force accentuates our own personality and meshes with it better depending on the user's identity."

He gives a bit of thought before presenting himself as an example.

"I am an aggressive and conflict driven person and always have been. I'm arrogant, proud, irreverent, and enjoy the adrenaline and excitement from violence. The dark suits me, it doesn't take me over because it fits with who I am without it. The light feels uncomfortable, like it is invading me and changing who I am. So I think you need to find where you feel comfortable with the force."

Apparently Zeno has tailored a way of life that fits him, lets him be happy, and doesn't give him too much grief. And he seems to be intent on helping Layne do the same, tailored for her.

"I want you to find contentment Layne. You have been struggling by yourself for too long. And I get that you probably don't like or trust me. But please believe when I say this journey should not be undertaken alone. And no matter how alone you feel, I promise you now: you can always come to me to help you with literally any problem you have."

[Layne Hoshin]

She sighed.

"...You can't find yourself if others keep trying to tell you who they think you are."

[Zeno Thul]

"You can, you just have to determine who you are for yourself. Which is what I teach my daughters. I tell them all the time that a wise person doesn't let someone else make their choices for them. But also not to ignore what others say because we don't have an external perspective," Zeno replies.

Zeno leans his head back against the wall.

"You call me Zero and get a rise out of me. But I eventually realized that I could use that to better myself. I never let that hurt my confidence or define who I was, but I did eventually look into my own behaviors that led to earning that scorn. And now I see it more like a nickname that helped me grow."

He runs a hand over his beard that he hasn't shaved since crashing here.

"When I say things about you, they are not you but what I see. And my hope is that I can help you out. Like you unknowingly helped me. But if you would prefer I go and leave you to it by yourself I will. I just have to let you know that you don't have to work on this alone if you don't want to."

[Layne Hoshin]

"I can't stop other people from wanting to help me, Zero."

Maybe she was making a joke there.

"I'm not saying I can't use help. I probably do. Especially now and in the days ahead. But when this is all over, and if the Force lets me, I will need time alone. To figure myself out. To just exist. And let things come as they come."

[Zeno Thul]

"Perhaps you could try living without using the force at all for a while to figure out who you are without it? Listen only to the person inside and not the force?" he suggested.

[Layne Hoshin]

"I don't think I need to stop listening to the Force to do that, Zeno. Listening to the Force is what made me realize something along the lines of what you're saying in the first place..."

She opened the palm of her hand and looked at it. "Neither the Jedi nor Sith seem to understand that part of it. The Jedi think there's nothing but lies and weakness in the Dark Side. The Sith think it's all truth and strength. What I found is that the Dark Side *helped* me to find the truth that was always inside of me."

"It isn't out to lie to you, or drag you down. It just challenges you to find the answers within, and you either do or you don't. Light does the same, just in a different way. But you need both to get the full picture. Rely solely on either one, and you'll just end up living a lie."

[Zeno Thul]

"That is what I have observed too. People look at light and dark as good and evil and it's just not the case. They impart the codes and beliefs of the organizations onto the force itself like they are rulers of the light and dark. But I think the truth is that it's a relationship with the force. Not just the ability to use it, but the understanding of how it influences us."

Zeno smiles at that and picks up the toy thranta again.

[Layne Hoshin]

She allowed; for a time; the silence to voice a general agreement on the matter, even if the smaller details might still differ to some extent. Then, after the silence started getting deafening, she spoke again.

"By the way... you're little too old to still be playing with toys, Zeno."

[Zeno Thul]

"Opila loaned it to me and told me I have to bring it back to her. She said she didn't want me getting bored or lonely without her and her sister," he replied with a smirk.

"She'll probably join the Jedi when she's old enough for me to let her. If they'll have her. She's got that sense to her already. But Kasha is a bit more like me with a drive towards conflict. She loves competing in sports and already trash talks like a champion. So she'll likely learn from me and the Paladins."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Don't worry. The Jedi take anyone these days. Point in case," she said, gesturing toward herself.

"Also, that's a stupid name, by the way," she said, getting back to her old blunt self again a little; just without the old hatred in there.

"'Paladins'. Almost as bad as the Blackguard. It's like some name out of... what's it called... that wookie roleplaying game. Only without the wookies, I guess."

[Zeno Thul]

"I didn't pick either. I would have gone with something more boring for both. Probably Thul Security Force and Alderaanian Force Advancement Association. Because the name doesn't really mean too much honestly. But they picked them so it's what I call them," Zeno says with a shrug. "Or maybe the Alderaanian Nerf Herders' Club... for either."

[Layne Hoshin]

"I'm sure they would've listened to you if you'd told them to change it. For whatever reason, they seem to respect you, after all."

[Zeno Thul]

"I doubt it. People love their traditions and being dramatic. It's like a setup for an eventual conflict. Blackguard versus Paladins, the battle for Alderaan's edginess," he jokes.

"That would probably make for an entertaining show actually, if you set it in history."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Honestly, it just seems like nothing more than games for bored nobles to me. Playing white and black knights somewhere on their sprawling estates. Send a few credits to an orphan fund or two, hold fancy fundraising parties, talk to the dignitaries about how they're learning about all that mystical jedi-type stuff and how to live in harmony with themselves and the world..."

She shooked her head.

"...meanwhile, noble selfless Alderaan was among the first worlds to ban the settlement of any refugees there. Couldn't have the reality of them ruin the pretend-fun times, I guess."

No, Layne was absolutely *not* a fan of Alderaan.

[Zeno Thul]

"It is a whole lot of wasted energy. A lot of the nobles on Alderaan want to keep things as proper and perfect as they can. Nobody wants to let the mess of the galaxy in. And it's just plain impossible to do that forever. Someday it'll blow up in our faces," he agrees with a nod.

"Better to let the chaos of life in and learn to function with the things we can't foresee and don't understand. Living in a bubble doesn't help anyone."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Please," she said with a teasing chuckle, "Like you'd want the riff-raff on the Thul estate's doorsteps any more than the Organas or Panteers or the, whatever other insulated privileged families there are on that damned planet."

[Zeno Thul]

"Actually, I would be for taking in refugees. I mean, not as altruistically as you or many others would invite them in for, of course. But it's an investment in the most valuable resource in the galaxy, which would only serve to strengthen my house and family. Blocking refugees is driven either by short-sightedness or xenophobia, both of which are too common on Alderaan. Because people are far too foolish far too often. But it is home because that is where my wife and daughters are from."

[Layne Hoshin]

"I'm not that altruistic," she said, "I just don't believe people should be allowed to be born into the kind of wealth and privilege the nobility are. I'd feel that way even *if* they did use their position and credits to *really* help the rest of the galaxy, instead of just making some token feel-good efforts."

She sighed.

[Zeno Thul]

He nods in agreement. "It's definitely a system mired in unfairness, abuse and privilege. But I'm definitely not a generous enough person to give it up for the good of others. Is that what drew you to the Jedi? The fact that they choose not to accumulate wealth? It certainly has the appearance of greater equality until you take into account the political power they maintain. Certainly not as much as the Sith by a long shot, but not too different from other governments and political organizations."