Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Layne Hoshin]

Finally, after what felt like an eternity; Layne woke up. One darkness replaced by another. All the memories of her failures, all the wrong choices she's made, having played seemingly without end through her mind for... how long? Hours? *Days?* She couldn't tell. And even now, those memories and doubts still lingered, refusing to fully fade. She could've done things differently so many times. So many terrible things could've been avoided if she'd been sooner to act, and stronger of will.

She felt cold, and tired like never before, unable to move even an inch of her body as the Dark Side still gripped her tightly. It had been a long time since she'd felt its influence like this. What was it she used to say back in those early days after Nar Shaddaa? How the Dark and Light weren't really any different from each other. That *she* could wield it without falling to it, because unlike the other Jedi, *she* understood it. That she could stand in its presence and be just fine, because she had lived with it where other Jedi had only ever known the light and simply weren't ready.

But it had been a long time indeed since she'd faced the Dark side on this intimate of a level. She had been living with nothing but the Light for so long, part of her had to wonder if perhaps she was now, just like Lunda Mae was on Bankor. Hopelessly naive and unable to see or *do* what needed to be done to preserve that light...

...even if doing so meant letting some of the same darkness that would snuff it out in.

Maybe Baras *did* have to die. And Zash. And all of those others who just wouldn't couldn't help themselves from causing needless suffering in the galaxy. Maybe the Star Cabal was right too, in more ways than she'd cared to admit. A never ending cycle of light versus dark. She'd told Delmi's mother that herself, hadn't she? Maybe it wasn't just that the cycle came about because power hungry people would inevitably fall to the Dark Side. Maybe the Light's inability to act decisively and quickly enough helped propagate just as much.

Damn it. When had she become so mired in philosophical thought?

"...ugh," she tried to stir her body, but to no avail. It seemed as if she was alone in the dark with these nagging doubts.

Though someone else who might be waking up right about now, might hear the stirring, of course.

[Sylvain Torsin]

Cold…

A vast planet-city…

Frozen air through the nostrils…

The Dragon…

Hard stone underneath his back…

His children’s screams fading into the recesses of his mind…

Consciousness returning…

A warm, soft sensation at the back of his head…

Eyes open to see the roof of a cavern. His mask lay on the floor beside him. Body and mind wracked with pain… yet his head lay on something soft.

His eyes turn to his right to see Layne stirring and his cushion moved slightly.

Then a realization… Layne’s thigh was his cushion.

“Where…” Was all he could say with the energy he had.

[Layne Hoshin]

She was brought out of her philosphical mire, at least to some extent.

"...Torsin?"

[Sylvain Torsin]

“Layne…”

He wanted to move his head… but as of yet his neck muscles weren’t listening.

“The Emperor… where?”

[Layne Hoshin]

"What?"

Her voice was barely more than a strained whisper.

"The emperor is dead, we made sure..."

...right?

[Sylvain Torsin]

“He was there… it wasn’t him but it was…” He coughed in the frigid air.

“Another Empire… A planet with a throne… He wanted me to bow to him… Called himself the Dragon…”

[Layne Hoshin]

"No," she said... saying it more for her own benefit than his, "...no, that's just... the vergence talking... that's what this is... like the one on Bankor... trying to play on our fears... our... doubts."

It was clear from her tone she'd had plenty of those doubts herself.

"...he's dead," the next words were more like an angry hiss, "*I* made *sure*."

The alternative was that it was all true; she *was* a failure after all.

[Sylvain Torsin]

“He called it… an Eternal Empire… It’s his latest project.”

He raised a hand to his head that ached like a wookie had played Huttball with it.

[Layne Hoshin]

"No," came another strained denial.

"...It's a trick. It has to be. We knew he could survive death... we took that... into account."

Didn't they? Layne hadn't actually been there on Ziost. She knew only what they had planned for it on Yavin, and what the Sixth Line had uncovered in the aftermath of the Emperor's apparent demise. Maybe grandma failed? Maybe the Wrath failed? Maybe Zash betrayed them after all?

Another example of her failing because she wasn't there to take action herself, perhaps.

"It has to be a trick."

[Sylvain Torsin]

Sylvain finally found the strength to sit up with a large grunt and subsequent moan.

“Just telling you what I saw…” He said simply.

“There have been visions… of capital worlds falling… Whether it’s truly him or not… it’s concerning if such an empire exists…”

[Layne Hoshin]

She was quiet for a long while; and didn't attempt to sit up or anything either.

"...Baesal had a vision like that once... long time ago. On Bankor... She saw it then. The emperor facing his demise, and then an empress on the throne of ruins. And then... a threat coming for both the empire and the republic. I thought... I mean... I'd forgotten about it almost. Just a possible future... one we'd avoided."

[Sylvain Torsin]

Sylvain skooched his back up against the cave wall as he tried to focus on regulating his breath.

“The future is always in motion… We may have averted one thing only to create another… or merely delayed what was going to happen anyway.”

[Layne Hoshin]

"But..." she was still desperately looking for some reason to think it wasn't true, "...it still *could* just be the vergence..."

If that is what this was. She became aware of another figure there; sleeping by all accounts. Spindral? She couldn't see. Couldn't tell. Could be responsible, could just have been the will of the force that he'd stumble upon them. Though, in the dream he was leading them; making sure they'd follow. Why?

This wasn't like her at all. All this worrying. It was pissing her off. She *needed* to get back in control of the situation somehow.

"...What *happened* on Ziost? How *precisely* did it happen? You must know."

[Sylvain Torsin]

“It’s… kinda a lot…” He said in his still weakened voice.

“In short… an alchemical weapon made by Jun-tsu Farro which can kill the Emperor… was flung into his chest in a chaotic frenzy. He blew up… And we have not heard from him since.”

[Layne Hoshin]

She finally made the effort to sit herself up straight the way Sylvain had done; the act seemingly a gargantuan effort.

"...meaningless by itself..." a cough. "The others would've known about his contingencies. They wouldn't... wouldn't have moved if they didn't think they could prevent his spirit from reforming elsewhere. Where were they when this happened? Zash, the Wrath, Magara-Sha? Unless... this dagger was supposed to prevent him from doing it? I... they must've had to improvise, made allies in the Empire, let people know what was happening. After Yavin, we could only risk so much contact... so..."

...and it wasn't as if she'd have been kept fully in the loop by Zash or the Wrath anyway. Or even grandma. Trusting them to see it all to completion had been all she could do. Or thought she could, anyway.

"...something, somewhere, must've gone wrong, if the emperor really is still alive."

[Sylvain Torsin]

Sylvain’s head tilted slightly, “I mean… it was him and it wasn’t. Him inside a body of my friend…”

If it had been his sister he would have been more concerned since Shai was the one with the strange voices in her head. Luth hadn’t shown any signs of possession… but perhaps it was something to be. He hoped it just was a metaphor he didn’t fully understand.

“Don’t know if that helps or not…”

[Layne Hoshin]

"Yeah... I talked to a lot of people in my vision... Grandma in Veers body, then myself, wanting me to kill Baras. Then, Gerald of all people. You don't remember him, I guess. Then it was Zash, then Gerald again, upset I didn't try to kill Zash this time. I don't think that means anything specific. Other than someone or something messing with me... or reminding me."

A shiver ran through her body.

"I saw everything after that. All the things that were done to me as a slave. Korriban. All I did for Baras. All my failures since becoming a Jedi. All in perfect detail."

And then a pause.

"...You know, I'm not the hero you said I am.... I didn't become a Jedi and do the things I did because I'm good... I did them because I'm selfish, and because I'm *stubborn*. That's all it ever really was... I just... wanted to matter... Didn't matter if something good happened, what mattered was that *I* was the one making it happen... it was selfish, and it's really not the Jedi way... And you know... I'm not so sure I was entirely wrong anymore... All those failures I saw? I *knew* I should've done this, or that, and I knew before or as it happened. But I didn't do what I had to. Because I tried to stop being stubborn. Like a Jedi's supposed to."

"Even now, all I can think of is how I should've been there on Ziost. Like... if I was there... somehow it would've worked. I don't know which possibility is worse. The emperor still being alive because I failed to act. Or the emperor being dead and I didn't get to act."

She tried to shrug it off. "Maybe that's all still just the vergence talking. I'm tired, and I'm rambling. Spouting nonsense."

[Sylvain Torsin]

Sylvain listened quietly while he regained his strength. Her rambling gave him a moment to breathe and collect his thoughts a bit more.

“You know… that’s probably the most open you’ve been with me ever.” He replied simply.

“I remember being so jealous of you… I tried befriending you but you’d have none of it. You tried to kill me and Kris… And still you were Baras’ favorite… He mentored you… Gave you things. I hated him so much… And you were his perfect little hateful sidekick.” He paused a good long moment to collect his breath.

“I said the hero stuff because I’m an asshole. Attempting to play upon your vanity and convince you to come along with me on this stupid errand. But the rest of it was true Layne… You’re strong Layne. You’re trustworthy. You screw up with some regularity but you try to make it right.”

He wiggled his back to try and find a bit more comfort, “Whatever you saw… don’t let it drag you down. We are a sum of all we have done and none of it. Your blind stubbornness and belief in yourself no matter what is what gives you the power to push through some terrible shit. Don’t lose that power… Even if you add some wisdom to go along with it as the years pass.”

[Layne Hoshin]

"I don't know... I'm starting to think I may have lost that part of me a while ago. Being a Jedi you're supposed to let go of stuff like that. It's supposed to be a good thing... I chased it for a long time too. Wasn't until years after the emperor was gone that I finally really got there."

She shifted her position to a slightly more comfortable one; though the effort of doing so was anything but.

"...Maybe the Star Cabal had a point," she said, having no idea if that name meant anything to Sylvain, "Maybe I didn't really understand the point I myself argued to them. I turned from the Dark side out of stubborn hate, and the fading embers of it were what kept me able to do what was necessary to fight. But eventually, embers die and cool off. The Jedi teach you to let go, they teach peace and serenity. And as good as that can feel, maybe it's what lets the Sith continue to exist. Maybe darkness will always be there, because the light refuses to go certain places."

[Sylvain Torsin]

Sylvain let out a long belabored breath.

“I’m not much of a philosopher Layne. I don’t have a great answer for you. But what your saying is probably a lot of what I think. Extremes create impractical conundrums that become insolvable due to the rigidity of one’s beliefs. You follow only one aspect and you lose the ability to do a range of things that could be helpful in solving your problem…”

Sylvain looked up towards the ceiling, “In my experience there aren’t two ‘Forces’… there is the Force… the different aspects serve different functions but both help guide the galaxy towards some kind of balance, for lack of a better word. Tipping one way or the other usually leads to some pretty bad results.”

[Layne Hoshin]

"...yeah," came the resigned voice, "...I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired of it all. Maybe someone *should've* just cleared the board and start over, like the Emperor wanted. Keep that pendulum from swinging back and forth from one extreme to the other over and over. Only, it wouldn't be long before it all started over again anyway, I guess. Especially with someone like him at the helm. But with anyone, probably."

A deep sigh. "Maybe I'm just whining for old time's sake. A few dreams, a class reunion, and a spooky cave... and I'm starting to sound like the Little Wrath again. Well... more eloquent than she was, maybe."

"This is all your fault, of course."

That last bit may or may not have been an attempt at humor.

[Sylvain Torsin]

“It always is.” He said with a chuckle which evoked a painful spat of coughing.

“But clearing the board isn’t what the Emperor wanted… he wanted to extinguish everything but himself to feed his own lust for power. He is an extremist through and through… Selfish… greedy… destructive…”

He coughed again once to clear his throat, “If there is a weight on the scales tipping the pendulum to one side right now… it’s him. He’s the greatest danger out there. And it’s not even close.”

After a few moments of silence to let his words sink in to his own heart he spoke again, “Layne… can I ask one favor…?”

[Layne Hoshin]

"We're still not cuddling for warmth," she coughed, "couldn't move over there anyway."

A pause.

"...What is it?"

[Sylvain Torsin]

“Don’t tell your Republic friends I’m here…” He asked.

“I don’t want to draw any attention… I brought my daughter with me to keep her safe… And I’d like to keep her safe.”

[Layne Hoshin]

"Kristal's?" She asked upon learning he had a kid. "Not a very safe place to bring her, I think."

She sighed. "I wouldn't even know why they'd care, really. They'd be more concerned about Baras than you. Or should be, anyway. And your kid... well..."

The *had* gone after a kid before, she supposed.

"...I'm guessing she's not the empress in disguise so she'd probably be fine? Besides, someone's probably going to find out who you are sooner or later anyway."

And another sigh. "But fine. I'm supposed to... not keep secrets from my fellow Jedi these days... but I guess I really am going back to my old ways. I won't tell them the great and terrible Sylvain Torsin is on Hoth."