Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Galen Panteer]

"It's not likely to change." he sighed. "Jameela was probably the best hope for that. All we can do is help where we can. But, there's not enough of us."

[Layne Hoshin]

"You work in the soup-kitchen *twice* a year, then?"

Ugh. Still so angry. Right back to form.

[Galen Panteer]

"I helped rebuild the homes that were damaged in the attempted coup, and continue to help with improving housing for those in need. I participate in a conservation program that prevents over hunting and encourages game donations to the food pantries." he answered. "And, I help guide Force users who will not be trained by the Jedi."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Good for you," she said, her voice clearly suggesting there was a not inconsiderable chance she considered all of that to just be part of 'patting oneself on the back' as she'd talked about.

She sighed after a moment. Half at him, half at herself.

"...do you have any hobbies?" She finally asked, changing the topic.

[Galen Panteer]

"Animals. I'm not a hunter anymore, unless there's a creature causing harm." he explained. "Instead I protect them, help them and simply enjoy time around them. Thranta riding is a new aspect of that. I've never cared much for flying, but it's different on a creature that's meant to fly."

[Layne Hoshin]

"...I don't know how to have 'fun'," she said, pencil on the canvas but unable to draw any strokes with it.

"...I don't think I even understand what it is, really."

[Galen Panteer]

"I struggled with that when I was younger." he nodded. "The things I thought were fun were the things my master used to manipulate me. Once he was gone, they lost any appeal they'd had. Hunting became entertainment to me. I had spent so many years being prey, it felt good to turn the tables."

"There were other pleasures, of course, but those were used to manipulate me, too. To be honest, I think I just enjoy watching other people have fun."

[Layne Hoshin]

She was quiet for a while after that. Thoughtful.

"...I'm sorry. I should not have assumed you were noble-born."

[Galen Panteer]

"The Senator made that mistake too. It happens." he shrugged. "I don't mind. It was one of my dreams as a kid. I hoped my parents were rich and powerful and they would rescue me. That dream changed as I got older and began to blame them."

[Layne Hoshin]

"My parents were killed by the same slavers that then made me work for them, capturing others." she said.

There was a lot more to it than that, of course. The only one she'd told the full story to was Pipka; but this was still more than she'd told most people.

"Closest to fun was... hmm. Getting bet on by the crew, I guess."

[Galen Panteer]

"Why?" he asked with an encouraging smile.

[Layne Hoshin]

It really wasn't the thing to get an encouraging smile over.

"...It wasn't fun. But I got to hurt others, and that made me feel less bad about myself for a bit. And if I won, maybe I'd get a quarter extra portion and I'd get to stay in the medbay for the night instead of recovering in the hold. So, it was 'fun' but it wasn't fun."

[Galen Panteer]

"Ah." He frowned. "So like the fun I had. Is there anything else?"

[Layne Hoshin]

"Wish I knew."

[Galen Panteer]

"I wish I could help you find it, but I'm sure you don't want me to rattle off random activities." he said. "That's the problem with being someone else's tool, you don't know what to do with yourself."

[Layne Hoshin]

"You know," she said, "part of me actually misses it. All of it. Like everything since has just been a lie, and I can just go back."

[Galen Panteer]

"It was much simpler. Do what you're told. Hopefully get rewarded for doing it well. Live another day." he sighed. "Expectations are harder to understand without that structure, especially the expectation that you should be happy."

[Layne Hoshin]

"I don't feel like I should be. Especially not now. But I also know that I should be if I want to get past any of this. Everything is just contradiction."

[Galen Panteer]

"It's appropriate to be unhappy about your recent actions and situation, but I don't think that excludes you from finding some measure of happiness." he suggested. "As you said, that would be the best way to move forward. At the least, you need something you can focus on other than what's happened. Pipka would suggest a therapy goat, I'm sure."