Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Layne Hoshin]

There was a shudder moving through her form as he made *that* suggestion.

"*That* is why it happened again... that is why it all went to shit... because I was trying to balance the scales."

[Nudimsu]

"Well, Sometimes thing just never end up being balanced. Don't always know the weight of the things we do until we place it on the scales. Who knows, it could up tipping over to the other side." He makes a tipping motion with his hand for a moment until he realized that such movement was wasted on her. "Just gotta pick it up and keep trying."

"Life, the Force, all chaos. All you can do is try and keep failing or just settle on where the scales end up. Maybe instead just try to get it close enough?" If his irises were visable, they would be rolling. "You Jedi, always so damned concerned with balancing things." He again scoffs.

[Layne Hoshin]

"No... There's no balance with the Jedi. That's always been the problem."

...

"It's just... kindness, and forgiveness... all the time... and... when you know you don't deserve those things but they're forced on you anyway... how can you live with that? I wasn't called to any of those burdens you mentioned. I *needed* to take them on. And none of those things were ever enough. I needed to do something big enough to leave no doubt that everything I'd done was worth it. And there was only one thing big enough to qualify. And then I did it. Or others did it and I told myself it was only because of me. And then it was allright. Then I could accept all that stuff the Jedi kept giving me."

"...And then I was made to believe, that the thing we'd done... hadn't been done after all... he was still out there. And I'd failed. And so all that old obsession came back, and I had to rid myself of the light I'd stolen, so I could I set things right and earn it for real."

"...And it turned out I was just being stupid."

[Nudimsu]

"Everyone deserves forgiveness if it is warranted by their actions to obtain it. Biased opinion again, seeing as I am working on obtaining it from my own people." He nods. "Statement still stands, however, unless you become a black intersector; such a thing cannot be forgiven." He looked at her rather confusingly at the mention of someone coming back until he recalled it.

"Who's he? Oh yes, Sith Emperor. I remember you all mentioning about him possibly being back at the party. Rather stubborn fellow. Then again, stubborn is a trait highly valued among the Sith." There is a loud groan. "Even death doesn't cure them of it, it seems. I must just accept that there is nothing about the Force that has limits, or quite frankly sense, and that is why it is chaos." He paused again, trying to figure it all out. "So, as I understand it, your actions were based on hope is that by flipping to the other side of the coin, you could do the job properly this time and end it. I suppose that makes sense, in theory...try another angle of the problem. By logic, it should, but again, we're dealing with Chaos. Chaos is never so simple. I wouldn't call yourself stupid for it, however; I can see your perspective quite easily."

[Layne Hoshin]

What the hell was a black intersector?

Not enough time to ponder that question as he continued. He seemed to finally be getting what she was saying. Sort of. Not *quite*, but better than before, anyway.

"...It was hubris. But yes. Do it properly. End the biggest threat. Be the biggest hero. Earn the right to forgive myself. It *is* stupid. Maybe forgiveness doesn't work like that."

[Nudimsu]

"Ahh, so you were seeking glory for your actions, instead of the valiant Knight bathing in the darkness for the good humanity. Nothing wrong with that in my eyes, either. The end results, however, is not too surprising, as I can tell by the way your heat rises as you speak you realize the same now." He nods firmly; the motivation was all starting to make sense.

"Your first mistake, in my opinion was expecting to use this other side of a coin against the Emperor from the very start. A man who can revive himself with the Dark Side of the Force, who likely has much firmer control of it, better understands it, and likely knows more of its secrets than you likely could. And your idea to counter this and be redeemed was to go use that very same power he has a mastery of and just go take a quick dip in it." He nodded. "If I had to call something stupid, it was that."

His eyebrow raised a little. "I assume...no wait, she isn't here...that girl who likes the guns...forget her name. I don't actually know who is in your personal circle, really, but did you actually talk to someone about this prior to the start of this or did you take this burden yourself? I've already assumed the answer, I just want confirmation."

[Layne Hoshin]

"No... no... being the biggest hero was... not about glory... just... if you're going to earn... what I wanted... then, you go for the biggest... you know what never mind. Like I said, it was stupid."

She shrugged it off.

"...I talked to some. Yes... But only to try and... keep them from stopping me."

[Nudimsu]

He nods his head, hearing exactly what he was expecting to hear. If it was him, he'd have waited to her back was turn, stun her, and throw her in the brig until she came to her senses. Friendship was all about helping to ensure your friends stop making stupid decisions. "You know, when I fly the Turtle, it is not just me doing it. Durasay points to the target, Hacha ramps us up. Pipska takes aim and gets the shot, and I just set everything up to get us to that shot. This ship, the Emperor Killer Layne, is just like the Turtle. You're never going to be able to do anything but line up the shot alone: nobody's at the cannon to take it, ship is in disarray, can't find the target, much less a firing solution. Just flying around aimlessly. Sure, means you get less of the pay, but others can make sure the job gets done and you all get out alive. Hopefully unscathed too."

He stares at her a little. "I don't know if I am being clear enough with this allegory. Does it make sense?"

[Layne Hoshin]

She would've looked at him with a certain amount of skepticism if... well... she could.

"...aren't you dropping character a little?"

[Omandri Rist]

Omandri chuckled at that a bit "I'm sorry I don't mean to interrupt." He said with a slight smile

[Nudimsu]

He scoffs at her statement and starts to increase his tone to one of frustration. "Yes. I've had lots of time to learn about allegory and sarcasm with you humans, much to my utter annoyance at the fact. You can't just state what you mean and say it as such. Oh no, you need to just hide your meanings and your lessons and what you say behind so many words unrelated to the actual fact that you should have asked for help because you cannot do it alone and you are in this mess now because of it."

He rolled his eyes and sits back. "Is that more in character? Try to do something nice for a human and make your point much more digestiable to them, you go and act like that is the strangest thing I've ever done..."

He looks over at Omandri, rather annoyed. "What, care to criticize my human speak too?"

[Layne Hoshin]

She may have recognized the other voice; but Nudimsu's reaction made her wince a little.

"...I'm sorry. You're... right of course."

[Nudimsu]

"I know I am right." He says with a huff. "However, I will accept your apology due to the amount of stress you are under." Nudimsu takes a minute and grabs the cup and moves it to her hands. "Now, sit up a bit and go drink your Hoth Chocolate before it gets cold, you ungrateful cretin."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Hnnn-" she resisted the cup at first, but she was weak enough right now that Nudi could easily just force it into her hand anyway.

After a few moments of vain struggle she did take a tentative sip, before turning to the other voice with her mouth opening as if she was going to say something, but then thought better of it.

[Omandri Rist]

Omandri shrugged at Nudimsu as he returned attention back to his data pad "I will say though it's good that you've figured things out Layne. Or at least see that your recent course was.....reckless." He put politely

"Now though we can't turn back the clock. Good to learn from the past, make sure we don't make the same mistakes again but usually more important to do what we can to fix the damage we did and just try and do better in the future." He said seeing a lull in the conversation.

"Also your eyes are doing alright. Should get your vision back here within the day. Odd manner of injury though." He said with a shrug.

[Nudimsu]

"Thank you, Omandri. Good to see you again, by the way. Shame we've not had a chance to properly speak since we've found ourselves here so forcefully." He takes the cup away from Layne, since she was obviously too weak right now to move it around. "Oh, what happened to her eyes? Figured it was some sort of frostbite on them or something. Not sure how human eyes work with all that moisture in there."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Self-inflicted," she said, weakly.

She assumed it was that, anyway, given how little she'd wanted to see what she saw.

[Omandri Rist]

"It is a shame indeed Nudimsu, we should mend that sometime soon. On a less, demanding day." He said peering back to the data pad and stepping up to Layne

"Hold still." He said looking into the damaged globes seeing if he could determine the cause of this likely temporary blindness.

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OOC: Can I make a check to see if there is any physical cause for her blindness?

[Layne Hoshin]

(ooc: You'd have to ask DD to be sure, but I'm pretty sure it's just her tearing at them with her nails/fingers)

[Dapper Dog]

OOC: She tore at her eyes with her fingers.

[Omandri Rist]

Omandri nodded "Well whatever you saw must've been pretty terrible. They are indeed self inflicted Wounds." He says in somber tones he'd only seen stuff like this on a handful of occasions.

[Layne Hoshin]

"...yeah, it was," she said, pretty much all she could manage to say on the subject for now.

[Nudimsu]

"One issue at a time, I suppose." Nudimsu nodded with affirmation. "At least there is no permenant damage. I mean, I am assuming there was no permenant damage.." The thought of whatever caused her to do such a thing did not give him a pleasant feeling of what was to come. "Let's focus on the now, then."

[Omandri Rist]

"Indeed." He said straightening "like I said you didn't manage to damage anything crucial or that badly just some scratching and blunt trauma. Should come back over the course of the day."

"I'd tell you to be careful but I have a feeling I'll see you back in this medbay before long." He said with a lighter tone more teasing than expectant "how'd the big hole in the chest heal up by the way? Can't say I've done anything like it before or since."

[Breela Po]

Breela had been looking all over the base for Nudimsu. She figured it was getting about time for them to talk. She had started at the Turtle and worked her way around to all the places that made sense. The medical bay was ironically the last place she'd check. Then she heard his voice and peaked her head in with a knock.
"I've been looking for you Nudimsu. Do you mind if we have a word?"
It took her a minute to recognize Layne.
"I hadn't heard that you were back! Is she going to be okay?" She looks at Omandri.