Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Luth Khalan]

Luth was on the nighthawk that evening. There was time before the get-together Lucinia had talked about, and there was a lot to think about. Besides, she was still somewhat responsible for making sure Arymis was all right. At the moment, she stood in the common area, making tea for both of them... Maybe all three if Sylvain got back soon. With as cold as it had been in the base, it was worth it to have hot drinks on hand as often as possible.

[Sylvain Torsin]

The walkway into the ship lowered and footsteps could be heard coming up the plank.

Sylvain slipped off his outer cloak and put it near the exit before walking into the main room of the transport.

Seeing Luth preparing warm drinks gave flashes of memory... real and otherwise...

He nodded in greeting, "Hello ladies... Did I keep you waiting?"

[Luth Khalan]

She broke into a smile as she saw him, pouring the extra cup of tea she had hoped to serve and bringing it over to him. "Perfect timing, actually. Tea?"

[Sylvain Torsin]

"Nothing would be better." He replied.

"Hoth is still as cold as ever it seems..."

[Luth Khalan]

She handed the cup of it over to him, then headed over to the seating area. "If Hoth isn't cold, it's probably fallen into a star somewhere."

"You wanted to talk earlier... Anything in particular on your mind?"

[Sylvain Torsin]

“It seems I need a bit of grounding in this… in… reality.” He replied.

[Luth Khalan]

She nodded, gesturing to the long, couch-like seat. "Join me. Like what's happened since you've been gone?"

[Sylvain Torsin]

He nodded and took a seat.

“You mentioned Valkorian’s demise…”

[Luth Khalan]

"Ah... yes." She looked embarrassed, staring to the side. "... Yes... I... I guess I shouldn't be embarrassed about that. You've probably seen every possible permutation of my interactions with him. Besides... I'm trying to become more honest."

She took a deep breath, then began to explain. "Draahg was setting me up from the beginning. Every time I heard his voice, he was there, but I didn't make that connection until afterward. I was probably just... whoever was convenient he could manipulate into it. Senya, some sort of knight of the Eternal Empire, had us do a ritual to go into the memories of Vaylin, her daughter, to try and find out what Valkorian did to her and maybe undo it. However, when we were in the memories, Valkorion himself spoke to me. Tempted me by offering potential information and hopefully not hurting the others there. I was stupid and listened."

She leaned back, remembering it vividly. "He took over. I don't know how, but... somehow I managed to hang on and not get completely subsumed by his will. I saw... I saw a lot, while I was in there... but one of the things was something he was afraid of. A holocron. Since it was a dream, I managed to manifest it. Tethys did... something to him. And Vaylin got ahold of the holocron and used it to do the same thing. Whatever it was destroyed him. I hung on long enough to survive."

"There's been some interactions with the pirates, and some other stuff going on with Junk Town, but I don't know too much about that part."

[Sylvain Torsin]

“Bow to the Dragon of Zakuul…” He said off his breath.

“I am glad you overcame this… it was surely anything but easy…”

“And what of Draagh now?”

[Luth Khalan]

"That was the phrase, yes," she agreed. "It was... hard to focus on much while trying not to drown in his mind."

"I haven't seen him since, but I'm sure he's around somewhere. Baras made a speech about the balance of power between Masters and apprentices. He was either going to kill him or was suggesting I do so, it's hard to tell." She shrugged.

"Still... That whole thing. There's... a change that comes with someone trying to fit their mind in your brain, I think. I find myself thinking... broader. Beyond myself, finally. For once. I'm realizing how rare it's been to think about anyone but myself and the people I personally care about and prioritizing that over everything."

"I think I understand, in a way. Not how you're thinking now, but how such a thing could affect someone."

[Sylvain Torsin]

“And what does that broader perspective mean to you?” He asked.

“What thoughts and actions does it cause to swell to the surface of your mind?”

[Luth Khalan]

"There are trillions of people out there, and almost all of them have someone they care about as much as I do you and the kids. There's no such thing as a bit player in this galaxy," she said, looking up. "I truly think that's something beautiful. Beyond beautiful."

"But..." She looked down at her tea cup. "Out of fear, I've had a hand in ending so much and causing so much pain just by keeping my head down and following orders. When I gave into the blackmail out of fear. When I betrayed the Republic and brought its secrets to Baras."

"I want my passage to make the world brighter, not worse. I can't be Sith anymore. I have to find a way to leave the darkness behind. Even though the way I'm living is the only way I've ever known how to. I... need to face some kind of justice for what I've done."

[Sylvain Torsin]

Sylvain listened contemplatively and extended a hand to reach out to her shoulder as she looked down to her tea.

Sylvain made a silent motion to Arymis who quickly got the hint and returned to her room quietly.

Sylvain paused and gently rubbed his thumb along her neck muscle above the shoulder blade.

“You mentioned the future being like an ocean once…” He started.

“In that I think you are right Luth… In the vastness of the ocean one drop may not have all that much significance when compared to the whole.”

He let out a long breath from his nostrils, “But think of Scarif… when the sun hits the water just right… Some of those drops sparkle. If only for a moment… Some of them do sparkle.”

He continued, “In my experience… justice is rarely achieved by the means we can measure in this life. Penance is rarely paid through someone applying punishment to a transgressor… yet that is the way our governments ensure some form of justice is met… and social order preserved. We retroactively attempt to fix an instance that happened in the past.”

He spread his fingers out on her back and stroked the space between her shoulder blades softly, “But that is not how things work internally… you don’t erase the dark by having someone apply more dark to you.. You shine. You bring what light you can… You do good. Give of yourself freely. Uplift. Embolden. You sparkle… Even if only for a moment. We are luminous beings, not this crude matter.”

He stopped his hand, “There is no ledger… Nothing to pay or be credited… You can’t blot it out, but you can change how you act now. It’s just you and this moment. And no matter how dark the sea is around you… You can find a way to shine…”

[Luth Khalan]

"Punishment isn't that different from simple revenge, when you put it that way. I remember you saying something about keeping your mind on where you are and what you're doing," she said after listening to him. She couldn't help but lean a little against his hand. "... I don't know how to do any of that yet, though. Right now, I'm not that far off from Baras. Acting out of fear, hate, and ambition, whoever I really am hidden so deep in a mask that I don't know what my own face looks like. Killing on command. It's the only way I've ever lived. I need to learn how... not to be that, or live that way. I don't know where or how or from whom."

"Right now, I feel lost."

[Sylvain Torsin]

“The answers always must come from within, Luth… But that does not mean one must walk alone in their path.” He replied.

“Life creates the Force… and the Force binds us together… it’s everywhere. It draws people to us when we need them. In my dark hours after Nar Shaddaa… you were there. Our journeys helped me find my way. The things we saw… the things we did… Changed me for the better.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder affectionately, “But after I lost Kris… I just tried to survive. I stopped shining so as not to draw the gaze of the ‘Unknowable Dark’. I know quite well the game of masks… But realized just over my time here… The mask needs to be shed. Be yourself… No matter the consequences.”

He tightened his grip on her shoulder, “In the most literal sense we must ‘face’ that which we fear. Only with your true self can you break free of the dark.”

He smiled softly… perhaps the first time since returning, “You needn’t face them foolishly as I did… What matters is how you face each day. How you face each person… And from what I see… you are already making tremendous strides in exposing your true self. It’s natural to feel lost or uncomfortable… You are the point of reference for others… Drawing them to you will provide what you need for your next step.”

[Luth Khalan]

"That's right... Even though we didn't know each other all that well then, you seemed like you needed someone to stand by you. It seemed like the most obvious thing in the world to brush the Republic and Baras' nonsense off and try to help," she said quietly as she looked up at him, smiling in response to his, a few tears in her eyes. She closed her eyes and they fell without any effort to hold them back.

"I..." She paused, trying to get her thoughts in order. "I just... I think I know one thing about myself. I love people. Some of them annoy me. Some part of me hates some of them. Still... it's that same thing that made me want to help you. I want to help and support everyone around me. I have turn that off for what I do, and I'm not good at it. If I went on like this, I would have to try to kill it someday."

"As for you..." She reached up with a smile and poked him gently in the forehead. "Didn't you say there's no ledger? You can't keep one of your own failures forever, either."

[Sylvain Torsin]

“Maybe that’s why I’ve started thinking this way…” he said with a smile.

“Because the ledger is just too damn heavy… I’ve got to chuck it out the window. Or… out of a flying spacecraft.”

[Luth Khalan]

She smiled at wiped her eyes, laughing a little. "Yeah. Throw it out of a spacecraft, burn it, cut out all the pages and fold them into party hats. I'll be there to help you do it. That hasn't changed."

[Sylvain Torsin]

He smiled and gripped her shoulder tight.

“So… the Rancor in the room…”

He paused, “What to do about Baras?”

[Luth Khalan]

"... I don't know," she sighed. "He's dangerous, he's hurt a lot of people in his gathering of power anf following the Sith Way to a T. The whole point of having children is to perpetuate the cycle of abuse that is the Sith's system onto them. One of us will kill each other, and then one of our children will kill the survivor. So the obvious answer would be death."

"... Is it pathetic of me not to want to go straight for that option, even though I know it'll be the only way in the end?"

[Sylvain Torsin]

“Wouldn’t you want something better for your children?” He asked.

[Luth Khalan]

"Yes... That's why I made arrangements for them to stay with Zeno for a while," she said. "I hope it doesn't have to be indefinite. I hope... the Eternal Empire hasn't gotten to the capital worlds so hard as to make it a moot point." She closed her eyes tightly, fighting the tears welling up at the thought.

[Sylvain Torsin]

“He will always come for them… As all fathers would.” He replied.

[Luth Khalan]

She let out a long breath. "It's inevitable, this fight. Isn't it? A little nostalgic, in a way."