Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Dapper Dog]

"It just means I better get one heck of a Life Day gift, and perhaps one or two birthdays and we can call it even," he said.

[Layne Hoshin]

"I don't know Daz," she said, looking sad again, "I'm not sure... if I'll be around... but, I'll try and make sure you get plenty of birthday gifts."

[Dapper Dog]

"That's ominous sounding," he said honestly.

[Layne Hoshin]

"It doesn't have to be," she said, "I just mean... if I make it through the days ahead... well... I intend to fight for myself Daz. I didn't do it yesterday when maybe I should've."

"I don't know if it's right or not for me to say this but... I don't want to spend the rest of my life in prison or on Tython... I want to find myself on my own terms, free to decide my own path. And once I've found myself, I want to *do* things again. Make a difference here and there. Balance things out. Just do it for the right reasons this time... and without compromising on my hobby time, I guess."

[Dapper Dog]

"I agree but I also think you need to to be held accountable for what you did, Layne. That might not be a choice, and frankly I don't think it's a choice you deserve until you do make amends with time served in some capacity," he said honestly.

[Layne Hoshin]

"...Maybe I don't. Or maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe I'll give up on myself again and go quietly after all, thinking I deserve to just be punished. While others happily go on to do worse, never contemplating their actions and never seeing the inside of a jail so long as they live. Or maybe I've spent too much time imprisoned by others or myself to just give myself over to it again."

"I killed Ujips, I want to own up to that. Not hide from it. But others took her and put her in front of me, goading me into doing it when they knew I thought I had no choice but to go along. She would've died regardless of what I did. I could've told the court that. Maybe it'd have made a difference. But I'd trapped myself into thinking it was for the best. I was the one who did it in the end, after all. And if I told the truth, well... I was shouldering that burden of being the hero again, I guess. Sacrificing myself for the sake of the mission. The truth would just lead to greater mistrust and disruption."

"I don't know Daz. Should I serve time? Just give in like that? Part of me thinks so, agrees with you all the way. And the other part of me just... doesn't want to. Doesn't believe I don't deserve to stand up for myself properly. Not after all the people we've shown mercy along the way, thinking it was only right to give them that because it's what we're called to do."

"It feels like neither option is fair."

[Dapper Dog]

"It's not giving in," he said with a sigh. "It's... just what we have to do, you can still live your life when it's done. You did the deed, no matter the goading."

[Layne Hoshin]

"I'm twenty-nine Daz. I don't want to be an old woman by the time I get out," she said, unsure if that was merely a joke to try and lighten the mood.

"Besides, it's not that simple, life isn't black and white the way we've been taught to believe... I... I don't know Daz, I really don't. I want to find some path in-between, not be forced into one or the other extreme again. You throw me in jail, I feel like that might end up becoming nothing but despair again. You send me to Tython, and the light will just take over again. There has to be something better than that."

[Dapper Dog]

Daz just raised a brow at that but said nothing.

[Layne Hoshin]

"You don't approve," she said... hanging her head low again.

"...I guess it wouldn't be that easy after all huh... Look... the most important to me right now is... that if nothing else, I avoid the future I saw for us. Anything else is... secondary to that. I'm just... still so torn between all the other possibilities and reconciling them with what I now believe and what I no longer do."

[Dapper Dog]

"Look, it's simple no matter what else happens you killed that woman, you need to serve penance for that, on Tython... in a facility... somewhere. Because it's not about you. If it takes till you are old and gray so what, you stole the rest of that woman's life. It's gone. She has no choice. Honor that memory by doing the right thing and stop being selfish," he said going back to cleaning his room.

"Maybe she was doomed, but you executed her."

[Layne Hoshin]

"Please don't do this," she said, "I can take it from anyone else... but not from you."

[Dapper Dog]

"No matter what you decide, I got your back, but just do the right thing," he said to her.

[Layne Hoshin]

"That... that doesn't sound like you're letting me choose anything at all, Daz."

She frowned; all of the feelings inside of her flowing so strong they were impossible to not pick up on.

[Dapper Dog]

"You always have a choice, just not every choice is a great one," he said honestly.

[Layne Hoshin]

"...Everything and everyone's just trying to tear me apart... how the hell am I supposed to make a choice like this, Daz. I'm not allowed to sacrifice myself. I'm not allowed to live. I must atone, but only in this one specific way that doesn't let me actually do so. I must learn. Not allowed to. Everyone has an answer, but they all contradict each other and mine aren't good enough."

She fell to her knees. "...I can't do this."

[Dapper Dog]

"I have no idea what else you thought would happen here," he said kneeling down.

"Your focus should be on recovery and what you did. Your freedom only begins when you do what is right."

[Layne Hoshin]

"...and nobody seems to know what that is."

[Dapper Dog]

"Look I am not sure what you are going through I just know... that is what I would do," he said warmly.

[Layne Hoshin]

Her head dropped down to the floor, her eyes closing.

"...Everything's just gone to shit."

[Dapper Dog]

"Yeah," he said honestly.

[Layne Hoshin]

All she could do was just lay there. Frustrated. Angry. Sad. She thought she'd figured something out after yesterday, but now it was all being turned back on her again.

Today was still better than yesterday. But that didn't mean today was good.