Hoth: Blood and Ice

Luth moved around the cockpit of the Nighthawk, preparing to leave. Now that they had pushed back the pirates, it would probably be time to leave soon. She had to get everything in order here. There were all sorts of little signs of him here. Where he had sat, Little things of his that she had to secure. She was no longer ready to start crying every five minutes, but... Moyr hadn't been wrong that it was her fault he was gone.

She sat down in the pilot's chair, letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry..."

A silence in the world fell softly upon the cockpit.

A subtle change in the air as if a cool breeze flowed through, but there was no movement of wind.

A slight blue glow gathered around the co-pilot seat… dimly increasing in brightness until a visage of a man sat in the chair.

“The ones we love are never truly gone Luth…”

She detected the change before he appeared, so she didn't jump out of her skin. Her resolve not to cry broke, though. Tears welled up immediately. "Syl... I'm so sorry..."

The visage merely shook his head and smiled gently.

“Do not carry the weight of the dead, Luth. Of all the choices made that day… None of yours should lead you to sorrow and despair.”

He smiled, “My dying injunction was for you to be happy… Don’t forget it so soon.”

She wiped her eyes. "Sorry... I just... I'm trying. Moyr... had some things to say. I..." She took a deep, steadying breath. "I gave Arymis your lightsaber." It was a little apropos of nothing, but it was something else to focus on.

She gave him a weak smile. "You're... really amazing, Syl. You seem... you seem like you're at peace. Finally."

“Grief is a natural feeling. One that helps us move on if properly directed. Those that cared for me will undoubtedly deal with grief in different ways… Just don’t allow it to carry you to despair.” He said with a smile.

“The peace I have found is in doing what I felt to be right. Despite all the philosophies of the world… there is good in this life. Peace is a byproduct of a mind that is honest with itself. I know who I am and what I tried to do in life… Helping others… And that’s ultimately how I died. What better life could I have lived?”

"Honest with itself, hmm?" She pulled one leg up, hugging it to her chest and resting her chin on her knee. "That's... what I ended up thinking. That you decided to help, and if the positions had been reversed, I would have done the same for you. Just like it always has been with us."

She looked toward him. "Layne took it better. She seems like she's settled down a lot. Suggested I go to the Jedi."

"And what do you think?" He replied with a question.

She was silent for a long moment. "I think I'm going to need their help. So much of my life has been defined by fear. Every time I make a decision, I can feel the temptation to think of the worst scenario and try to prevent it. I want to help people and leave people's lives better, and figure out how to trust my instincts and other people."

"That is good, Luth. You must do what you feel is right. If those are your instincts... the best way to build trust in them is to follow through and see how you feel when you open yourself to the Light. There is no better teacher in this life than personal experience." He replied with a nod.

"Plant the seed... nourish it... see if it grows. It's a simple process in the end. Simple... but there are no real shortcuts to what you are looking for."

"Thank you..." She said, taking a deep breath. "I know it won't be easy or a short road. It's going to involve a lot of unlearning things that I've done my whole life. I think... it might be good for our kids, too. I know with the Jedi I might have to trust other people with them... are you all right with that?"

“I will always be with them… Wherever they go. To give Arymis the opportunity to learn something so different than she has known would be good for her. She’s been nurtured in the Dark… told it is the only way to live… I would like nothing more than for her to learn for herself the possibilities that exist out there… The ones I was unable to show her in life.”

He smiled softly.

“Addison is safe with her grandmother… Let her be. I will be with her too… But her path differs from her sister’s from now… I guess I should say… ‘for now.’”

She nodded. "Thank you for letting me know about Addison. I probably would have looked for her if you hadn't said something."

"Van and Aral have never seen anything but variations of darkness, either. I'm happy that they all might be able to see something else. They might still decide to go after what Draahg claimed of their father's, but... that's their choice to make, now. Thanks to you."

“They are blessed to have a mother who loves them. Who stood up for them. Not as objects of self-fulfillment… but as luminous beings with their own lives to live.” He replied warmly.

"They deserve that chance. That's why I never judged Senya for giving her children that choice, even though the Emperor took advantage of it." She smiled and rubbed at her eyes again. "... Of all the decisions I've made in my life, the two I never doubted for a second were having children and going with you when it seemed like you needed someone."

“Remember the way those things felt… And seek to find more things that make you feel that way. That is how you take your first steps…” He said with a smile.

“After it’s all over… those will be the only things that matter to you. All the rest of it will fade in importance…”

He smirked, “I know from experience.”

He then smiled and nodded, “I’ll be with you always too, Luth. Both inside you and here within the Force… They are connected now and forever.”

She couldn't help but laugh just a little. "I suppose you do. It's always been difficult to embrace the Force... but it might be easier now. You'll always be there." She placed a hand on her chest. "And here."

Glancing over her shoulder, she added. "... You should talk to Arymis, as well. I've been doing what I can, but she's having a hard time."

“I will… When it’s right.” He said with a nod.

“I’ve always pushed her in my own way… Not unlike how my father pushed me. She’ll need to take steps on her own this time…” He sat still.

“And I’ll be there… waiting with open arms.”

After a few moments the soft sound of footsteps walking away stealthily deeper in the ship could be heard ever so slightly.

She heard them, giving a soft sigh. "I suppose we're both giving our children the chance to find their own paths, in our own way."

"You know I'll always be here for her, regardless."

He nodded in peaceful acknowledgment of that fact.

The visage stood from the chair and folded his hands behind his back… the military posture he had held so often in life.

“It’ll be trying days ahead for you all. A galaxy in turmoil… But you are never alone.”

"We aren't alone. We'll make it," she said with a smile as she watched him. "I'm going to believe in everyone."

“Trust and watch…” He said with a nod.

She nodded, releasing her leg and standing with him. "Yeah. I guess it's us living people's turn to act."

“That is a hopeful prospect.” He said with a warm smile.

His hand came to her shoulder which provided a warm sensation…

She closed her eyes at the sensation, taking a deep breath. "I know you'll always be there... but I'll still miss you, Syl."