Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Luth Khalan]

Luth sat in the common area with a small meal in front of her, which, despite its size, still only remained half-eaten. She found herself deeply without an appetite. The two most important adults in her life were gone. She still had her children, at least, free now. They could do what they want, be who they wanted. Even try to reclaim their father's legacy down the road if they so chose. That was up to them, though.

She had already let Arymis know what had happened, and gave her Sylvain's effects. She deserved to be the one to have them, including the lightsaber. She may end up building one of her own, but for now, that was her right, no matter how badly Luth wanted to keep some part of him.

She curled up on the seat, pressing her face into her knees for a moment, feeling fresh tears spring up. Dammit.

The ship felt empty without him.

[Zeno Thul]

Zeno contacted Luth from outside the ship. A message popping up on her comms. "I'm outside." It was simple and a statement that she'd probably understand to mean he'd be out there until she opened up or something called him away. She'd be able to feel his concern from outside the ship if she reached.

[Luth Khalan]

She heard the alerted and glanced at the message. It took a moment before she felt ready to finally rise and open the hatch, waiting at the top for Zeno. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her skin was a little splotchy, showing how much she had cried and how much there still likely was to go.

[Zeno Thul]

Zeno walks up the ramp to her and just pulls her into a hug, not saying anything for now. Before anything else, he wants her to know that he is right there with her. Not trying to push her towards any direction.

[Luth Khalan]

She wrapped her arms around him and held on like her life depended on it, her shoulders shaking. He could feel her silent tears soaking into his shirt.

[Zeno Thul]

He gently rubs her back with one hand while the other holds her tight, providing enough support for her to let her weight fall onto him. He was nowhere near as close to Syl, but he was a trusted friend. And while he was far from connected to Baras emotionally, he knew what it was like for ones feelings to change towards someone when you became parents together.

Not nearly as complex as it would have been between her and Baras, but by this point he was assuming that the father of her children was dead. He didn't really need to confirm it. Without seeing them he wouldn't actually know it was Baras, but it certainly wasn't Syl since since he would have asked for support for more children if so.

He was doing what he could to untangle the web and understand where he could sympathize and where he could only empathize. While he works that out, he waits for her to be ready to talk. He doesn't mind if that takes a year or if people see them embracing from the hangar.

[Luth Khalan]

After a few moment, she managed to close the door and head into the common area of the Nighthawk. "... You heard Draahg's announcement already, I assume," she said quietly.

[Zeno Thul]

"I didn't need it. I don't know the specifics, but while everyone was fighting, I was watching everything I could over a good portion of the planet. You were all too deep underground for me to help, but I felt them die. And did what I could to keep from losing it. Because I was terrified for you all," he admits, following along.

"You are all welcome on the Thul estates as long as you want or need it. Whether just to take some time away, or if you find Alderaan to your liking. Your children and his. Though Syl did want his daughter to be with family, so I will see her smuggled to Deathwright station or Dromuund Kaas so the Torsins can pick her up safely in time should you all return with me."

[Luth Khalan]

"I'm sorry... It was my fault that you felt that," she admitted, tears beginning to well up again. "They would both be alive if not for me."

"I... I'll be returning to the Republic. I may need your help with that. I was asked to look after Arymis and Addison - Syl asked me to, before he died - on top of my two but... I also will have to face my crimes. I don't know what the fallout will be from that, but I don't want it to hurt any of them."

[Zeno Thul]

"Don't apologize for doing what you thought was right for your children. To save mine I would burn cities. Anyone that stoodin the way of you caring for them made their own poor choices."

"You are all welcome to stay on Alderaan. The children will be cared for and protected. Ziandra may give me a bit of pushback, and she may expect support for the house for assistance, but I expect nothing in return. We can work together to figure out a way forward."

"Do you need anything from Imperial space? I can ask my mother or sister to move anything you might need. If they agree, you may not even need to go back to the Empire at all," Zeno offers. "Timing is important and I can try to get their assistance as soon as we can communicate off planet. Would allow us to react as quickly as possible."

"Not a guarantee, since this war is going to be a rough bit of suck. But a promise that I'll try to use what resources and favors I can muster."

[Luth Khalan]

"... Yes... I haven't forgotten that. It was all for them. They deserved better than to have to kill one of us someday. Maybe to kill one another in some power play or another." She shook her head. "I didn't want that for them."

She let herself drop onto the couch-sort of seat.

"They... Both meant a lot to me. Despite how stupid that is. All the manipulation, the lies, and masks, and I still..." She wiped her eyes almost angrily. "Sylvain... He's been my rock, and I've been trying to support him as well as I could for twelve years. Now they're both gone."

[Zeno Thul]

"I'm sad that I wasn't there more for you. I can't and won't regret it because my daughters mean more to me than life. But I do wish that I could have done more to help from where I have been," he says, sitting next to her and taking her hand.

"But you have lost a great deal and there's nothing that can undo that. I do understand loss and pain, but it's always different based on the relations, so I can't say I truly feel what you do. But I will share the load of helping take care of you and both of your families."

He sighs. "I love her. I didn't at first... but after Opila and Kasha? Nobody had ever given such a perfect gift to me. I think having that gift pulled out from under me like a rug in the past meant that when I finally received it I found nearly as much love for her as I do for my daughters. So, I definitely understand how that changes things. I don't know how it goes from hate and fear, but whatever you felt towards him? Children change everything."

[Luth Khalan]

"Thank you."

She squeezed his hands tight, staring at their entwined fingers as she squeezed her eyes shut and sobbed quietly. She knew Zeno would take expressions of emotion better than most people. He'd always given her a space free from the need to maintain a façade of strength.

"They do... and I've always loved the people around me. I can't help it. For whatever their flaws might have been or might be. I just want to see them happy. Even him, but he was too buried in masks and the Dark Side and whatever else was going on in his head to be able to let himself. He loved me, but there were so many mixed signals I had no idea until he finally said it at the end. Now I can't decide if I'm sad or angry or I hate him. I didn't like being treated like a prize he and Sylvain were fighting over, either." She rubbed at her eyes with the heel of her hand.

"We're all better off, and I know that... but still."

[Zeno Thul]

"You don't have to decide how to feel now, and you can choose to change your mind. You understand by now that I won't judge you over how you feel. And if anyone does, I'll defend your right to be who you choose, with a blade if necessary." He squeezes her hand back, holding it there calmly.

"And I doubt Syl fought over you like a prize. Maybe he did, I could be wrong, but the man I knew would more likely fight with Baras because he thought you were being treated as a prize. And you are part of us all. If you don't feel better off then we're not all better off. What you feel matters as much as anyone."

"But the most important next step is to not waste the opportunity to get you and the kids out of all this fighting and mess. Once we get off this snowball and I confirm my daughters are safe, my number one priority is you and the kids' safety."

And in an effort to remind her of what this is all for, he asks, "Do you have pictures of them to show me?"

[Luth Khalan]

"No, never. Sylvain would never think of me like that. He's never spoken to me like anything less than an equal, which is why I started spending more time with him on Nar Shaddaa," she said with a small smile. "He was... kind, and loving, and we stood by one another no matter what. This.. I guess I should look at this as part of that. I know I would have done the same for him - stood by him until death. It just... happened to come for him first, in the end."

She nodded, pulling out a datapad. "Yeah... Here."

On it are pictures of a happy-looking, dark-haired young boy, about seven or eight, and a taller one with red hair. Both of them have bright eyes somewhere between a very light amber brown and the more intense yellow that speaks of a Sith Pureblood heritage. Both of them look surprisingly happy and well-adjusted. There are pictures of them hanging around with Sylvain's daughters, as well. Or rather, tagging along, since they're younger.

"Do you have pictures with you, as well?"

[Zeno Thul]

He nods and pulls out his datapad. "I am made of pictures of my daughters," he says with a slight smile.

And it seems to be true. The datapad's storage capacity is half devoted to them. Twin eleven year old girls with a dark pinkish hue and the darkest black hair. There are pictures from the day they were born all the way to saying goodbye as he waved and took a picture of them while talking off for this mission. Dinners, celebrations, school events, first steps, first force moves, and even photographic evidence of practical jokes with all three as culprits. It's a wonder he accomplishes anything with the apparent amount of time he spends with them. And pictures with them and other Alderaanians and their kids.

"Opila may end up among the Jedi if her mother can't convince her otherwise, but Kasha probably won't. She's got a more agressive personality like me."

[Luth Khalan]

She leaned over, smiling as she looked at his pictures. "You're a really dedicated father, Zeno. What is she going to do, then?"

She looked back at her data pad. "Van, the older one is very serious, and he can be stubborn. But then, he's in the single digits, of course he's stubborn. Aral is a lot more relaxed, but... he's showing a strong propensity for foresight already. It comes to him without his intention, and he's only seven... Baras probably would have considered his attitude weakness." She said, running her fingers over her children's faces on the screen.

[Zeno Thul]

"I suspect that the idea of taking over the Deathwright family is in her future. But that involves killing her grandfather, s I have a lot of preparation to do for her. I mean, at her age I had already taken a couple swings at him and he already had me on a training lightsaber. I'm not going to let her become the shortsighted bully he turned me into though, they're both far too clever for that, thanks to Ziandra."

Swinging from the idea of unconditional fatherly love to helping his daughter plot the murder of her grandfather appeared as natural as breathing to him.

"They have a great mother to help guide them, so I have no doubt they will end up strong and capable. And there's no such thing as a weak attitude. An attitude doesn't determine strength. I have to wonder how many times he called others around him weak if that is how he felt about his own child... and yet he is the one that no longer lives. You are the strong one, and every ounce of strength they show is from you."

[Luth Khalan]

"Hmm... That would be interesting. Arymis may end up having an interest in something similar... I'm going to have to see if I can find Sylvain's mother and speak with her," she said with a sigh. "He didn't call them weak... I'm more extrapolating from his views on other people. But then, children always have something of a halo effect from their parents, don't they? I think they have a lot of him in them, but I don't think I'd change that if I could."

"So, if that happens, does the Deathwright family get integrated with House Thul or something?"

[Zeno Thul]

"Not at all. But it certainly solidifies the alliance for a full generation or more. I love both my families, but they would not be compatible like that.

"Deathwright, when pressed, could rain hell onto any planet if they mobilized completely. We do have our own estate and full space station packed to the airlocks with advanced fighters and elite pilots, best in the empire that don't have the force to guide them. Just never really had political aspirations. Which is why we were mostly left alone through history other than changing hands of whatever Sith controlled or directed us.

"Thul is no slouch on military power, but we have Ziandra and Xero making political and covert magic happen. Utilize individual specialties more effectively.

He clearly used 'we' for both, apparently still considering himself also a Deathwright. "It would be like trying to put a scalpel on the end of a hammer. Just wouldn't work that well. But it works excellently if you open the way for the scalpel with a hammer."

[Luth Khalan]

"Hmm... I suppose that makes sense," she agreed with a nod. "How are things going with Thul, by the way? It sounds like Ziandra is the political mover and shaker. It sounds like you're doing a lot with your kids, and also the... Blackguard, was it?"

[Zeno Thul]

"Yes. Ziandra is keeping me from messing up too bad. The Blackguard help me keep my edge. I didn't pick the name, they were around before me in Thul. But given my history, everyone assumes. Though yes, I have been helping encourage and train those that are gifted with the force. Not all of them are sensitive though."

He smiles softly at her. "Your activities are a bit less public though. I imagine you don't really want to talk about that stuff, but if you ever want to unburden and share I am glad to listen."

[Luth Khalan]

She took a deep breath and let it out. "I've... yeah. Been less public. I've killed a lot of people in the past ten years serving Baras. Republic, Sith, whoever he felt needed to be removed, or I assessed as a threat. I chose to make some of those calls, to end someone's future. Coldly calculated premeditated murder." She said, looking down at her hands.

"I almost did it again today," she admitted. "But I tried not to. I tried to just go."

She shook her head. "Anyway... Yeah. I did a lot of infiltration and spy work, as well. All that between raising the kids. Lot of information bumping around my head about both sides, and Baras' - I guess Draahg's now - information network."

[Zeno Thul]

Zeno takes both of her hands that she feels are soaked in blood and kisses the back of each. "We do what we have to in order to make the galaxy what we want it to be for our children. If you had not lived your life the way you had, you might not even have your children. And I know I consider my daughters worth every mistake I have ever made and every life I've ever taken. I need no further proof than looking at them to know I have always done the right thing. Not always moral, ethical, beneficial or useful. But it resulted in my favorite two people in the galaxy, so it was undoubtedly right. Every... single... thing."

As he said it, he looked her in the eyes, his tone supportive and happy.

[Luth Khalan]

She squeezed his hands, smiling warmly as tears welled up again. "That's true... Well, regrets serve no one, anyway. They don't undo the damage or bring anyone back. I can be happy about my children. I'm so proud of them already... so happy I could know them."

"Life is strange, isn't it?"