Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Luth Khalan]

"That's fear talking, Syl... And in a strange way, I appreciate that you don't want to lose me that much. I don't want to lose you either," she replied, shaking her head. She looked toward him with a little, almost playful smile. "So we'd either have to both go or both not go, if you think of it like that."

[Sylvain Torsin]

“Then we shall not go… Agreed?” He said with a look in her direction.

[Luth Khalan]

"Syl..." She turned a little toward him, mildly exasperated.

[Sylvain Torsin]

Sylvain looked out onto the horizons where more storms seemed to be rolling towards them despite this minor break they were able to find in the pummeling snow.

"I prefer the skies of Scarif... Don't you?" He said, obviously changing the subject.

[Luth Khalan]

"Yes... Me, too." She watched the dark clouds on the edge of the horizon starting to move in, toward the base. "Remember when we got caught in a torrent?"

[Sylvain Torsin]

He nodded and nodded, "I'd take that precipitation that day and the joy surrounding it over most days I have spent since then."

[Luth Khalan]

"Yes..." she agreed. "Though... It's not perfect, but I'm glad you're here, even on this frozen rock."

[Sylvain Torsin]

The words 'frozen rock' implanted themselves in his mind. He worked on them for a second... Pondered why it seemed to resonate with him.

"Do you still... feel things Luth?" He asked what undoubtedly seemed rather ambiguous.

"I find it harder to feel things the older I get... Or at least... be affected strongly by the things that I feel..."

[Luth Khalan]

"I feel a lot," she replied, looking over at him in concern. "I don't let it control me anymore, but I still feel fear and concern for the people I care about. I love my children beyond anything I thought possible. I'm worried about this whole... Emperor and Empire thing. I have complicated feelings about some other stuff."

She looked toward him there was a long silence as she considered continuing. Had it been said in so many words before? "I love you. I suppose I'm less... reactive to them than when we were younger, but they're still there."

"You have spent a long time repressing your emotions."

[Sylvain Torsin]

He nodded, "It's hard to keep something constantly kindled but never fully burning..."

He watched the clouds continue to roll in from a distance. "But it is still there Luth... I've maintained it with care."

[Luth Khalan]

"That's true... It is."

After a moment. "Why are you going out there?"

[Sylvain Torsin]

"I believe there are answers... For me... or all of us... I don't know." He replied softly.

"My whole life has been built around results. And yet... time and again I have fallen short of the mark. I've grown much, that is true... But in the most important moments of my life I have always failed."

He paused, "I waver... I shrink... I lack conviction and sincerity."

He watched his little girl in the distance, "I do not trust myself to do what must be done to protect the ones I love... Ultimately I don't think myself capable of meaning. I do not believe I have some part to play in the future... I have come through so much pain... and yet have learned nothing."

He let out a long breath through his nostrils, "And yet the Force calls to me. Urges me to believe I have something I can contribute... Something I can do. I don't want to fail anymore... I want my actions to bear some meaning that I can hold onto... Even if its the most insignificant thing imaginable. I want to learn something..."

[Luth Khalan]

"What do you think is meaningful?" She asked quietly. "What results are you hoping for?"

[Sylvain Torsin]

"I don't know up here." He pointed to his head.

"Something I can feel down here..." He pointed to his chest.

"Like when I watch her sled down that hill... Or think back on things that felt real... Felt like they meant something..." He replied.

"I want things like that again... Or at the very least... to ensure that others will have them as I once did."

[Luth Khalan]

"It sounds like... You need to know what you truly want and gain the conviction, as well as overcome the fear that you might lose something, to seek it out," she assessed quietly as she put the pen away. "In your head, I mean. It's hard to navigate the ocean of possibilities without a point you want to reach."

[Sylvain Torsin]

"I don't wish to see the distant future... Just the next step is enough for me." He replied.

[Luth Khalan]

"I hope you find it, Syl..." She shook her head, closing her eyes. "I hate seeing you in pain."

[Sylvain Torsin]

"I once had someone tell me that life is pain... Anyone who says differently is selling something." He said with a smirk.

He then looked over to the red-haired smoking woman next to him and gave an affectionate look, "Luckily... I have experience that tells me that isn't true."

[Luth Khalan]

She chuckled, looking over. "I think... I don't know. I've been thinking about what happiness is, and how much of it is one's decision of what they'll be happy with. It's like the whole question with Sith and where does it end with power grasping? I haven't quite found the answer for myself yet."

[Sylvain Torsin]

"As one who has grasped his fair share of power... It's not as fulfilling as you might think it is." He said with a nod.

"But the Empire we live in doesn't let people just not seek power... Even that girl over there sledding... It makes her have to fight to survive each and every day... It's not the Empire that I hoped for growing up. Not the type of strength I envisioned... It's much more... sacrificial... wasteful."

He chuckled through his nose, "But here I am leading its armies."

[Luth Khalan]

She glanced to the side, a half smile crossing her lips. "I never thought it was, honestly. I guess I'm lucky in a way. I'm powerful enough that people don't bother me about a bunch of nonsense and to keep my children safe. That's enough for me."

"The equilibrium will eventually shift, though. Baras will die eventually, probably at someone's hand. I'll have to step up."

She looked toward him. "I'm glad you did, despite everything. Back when I worked for the Republic, I expressed the opinion that you would be better, stabilizing force as a leader within the Empire. I don't think I was wrong. But I'm sorry you've suffered for it."

[Sylvain Torsin]

"Suffered is a strong term... Despite my general melancholy... I know what I do has a function. Even if the overwhelming tide of others in power are diametrically opposed to that function... It still does something. Ultimately meaningless perhaps... but at least it kept me busy." He sighed.

"I had hoped that removing the Emperor would allow for a better Empire to emerge... Unfortunately, history has a way of repeating itself... And just as the Empire of old fell apart due to infighting and short-sighted leadership, we now find ourselves slowing eating ourselves from within. It is to be expected with someone like Arya at the head... We invite threats like this Eternal Empire to come and destroy all the progress we had made with the cannibalism we have engaged in these last few years." He waved for Arymis to begin wrapping it up as the storm was coming back.

"We have made our own bed... Now we get to sleep in it." He said with a smirk.

[Luth Khalan]

"I don't think it's meaningless," she stated simply. She looked up at the storm brewing above. "no... not at all. I have to think, but... let's not go gently into that good night just yet."

[Sylvain Torsin]

He nodded.

“For the Empire…”

[Luth Khalan]

She looked up again, as if looking toward where her kids were for a moment.

"For Arymis and Addison, Van and Aral, you and me, and all the things we want to build."

She looked down, then nodded toward the ship. "Shall we?"