Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Jan Melmoar]

Days of our Holo Lives

“Oh my, aren’t those Farazzian sword worms something?”
The presentator chuckles slightly with a fatherly smile as he swivels in his chair to face the camera. Between the warm light wood of his desk and the picturesque beach projected behind him it’s all designed to have a calming effect.

“Our next guest joins us from Czerka Corp. She’s a real gogetter, the company’s youngest director and a bonafide warhero. Please join me in welcoming….Jan Melmoar!”
Extremely enthusiastic applause plays, as if the non-existent audience were seeing their childhood hero score the winning goal after ending their world’s hunger. Jan enters all smiles in a blindingly white suit with gold trim. Behind the scenes the editors discuss how they can edit around the fact her walk looks more like a prowl.

“Jan, I hope you don’t mind me saying this. But you really inspired me when I was joining the imperial truth service. Stories of your victories against those horrifying bugs, well they just made me all the more determined to make sure our brave men and women got the recognition they deserve.” It’s not a particularly good lie, but Jan laughs as she settles in the comfortable chair across the desk from him. “Dryden, you never change. Really, if you’d just told me at the time I’d have killed another dozen, just for you.”

She sits with one leg crossed over the other, long fingers resting comfortable on her knee, the picture of corporate satisfaction. “I’m simply thrilled to be back here on the Dryden Carrel Show. And let me just say, the respect is mutual. Your piece on home defense, and how we need more of it….well it just struck right to the core of the issue.”
More recorded applause plays as the two smile a little too widely at eachother.

“Now Jan, please, my audience is just dying to know.” Dryden sits forward slightly, leaning across the desk and gesturing with his hands. “Is Czerka’s new Massacre series all that? With the Republic increasingly desperate for war as their jedio-senatus system crumbles, can our viewers be satisfied that the Empire still has the arms advantage?”
Jan’s smile widens even further, the sort of look a particularly unpleasant tiger might give a rabbit. “Don’t you worry about that Dryden. The Massacre series has been a personal project of mine.”
This time it’s her turn to turn to the camera, years of practice helping her to moisten her eyes slightly to really sell it. “When we started development we had three goals. These new weapons had to be affordable, they had to be accessible by ordinary citizens and they had to be capable of 1200 shots per minute. When you’ve got a mob of crazies bearing down on you, being able to kill all of them in 7-8 seconds of continuous fire is really important.”
“Ha! And you’d know!”
The two chuckle companionably.

“Czerka remains committed to supporting the imperial war effort and our great nation. But Dryden, I have to confess something.” There’s a deep pained sigh, like Jan has knocked her favourite mug off the table. “Despite making up almost 38% of Imperial arms production, pencil pushers in the bureaucracy-” Canned booing “-yes thank you. These pencil pushers, quite without our glorious leaders knowing, they’re taxing Czerka to the bone. It’s threatening jobs, and worse our ability to support the empire.” Dryden shakes his head in a good approximation of bafflement. “Outrageous! We can’t allow that, it’s companies like Czerka that helped us build into what we are.”
“Thank you Dryden, that means a lot. I just hope that our case is heard when we ask for fair and equitable corporate tax cuts. We want to pay our fair share, but this is classic government overreach.”
Doing an even better job of moistening his eyes the host nods several times. The two spend several more minutes discussing the bureaucracy (terrible!) and the government! (wonderful!) before Dryden smiles regretfully.
“Of course Jan, of course. But that’s all we have time for today. You know what they say.”
In unison with the pre-recorded audience. “Now!Is!Then! Thank you so much for coming, and remember folks, buy Czerka, buy power, buy imperial.”

The Czerka woman stands and shakes her host's hand with another smile and then waves to the audience as she prowls off the stage, her smile vanishing the moment she’s off camera as Dryden turns once more to his script. “And our next guess is Darth Slaughterous to deliver a message about the danger of charity. Let’s give him a warm welcome!”

Jan passes the gigantic black robed sith in the corridor to the greenroom and nods at him companionably. “Hey Max, we still on for dinner tomorrow?” The sith shoots her a pair of finger guns “You know it babe.” before he strides onto the stage, his expression growing menacing. With a smirk and a roll of her eyes Jan continues on.

N'Zzi, her perpetually harried Chiss deputy is already bustling in her direction, how the unstable tower of paper she carries doesn’t fall apart is something of a miracle. “Miss Melmoar! Miss Melmoar! Defenders of the Republic had to bump senator Grophus after the…you know the thing with the bloat toads. They want us on air in 5!” The director sighs but quickens her pace as the two speed to the next studio on the lot, Jan already reading the script for her next appearance. “I love democracy, I love peace…and I love Czerka.”