Hoth: Blood and Ice

"One way is not to take them at all. I tried. It even worked for a time. But then it didn't. It was like self-asphyxiation to deny myself that. In the end, I don't think it's a matter of ability. I just need passion in my life that is something more than the rusty triad of fear, anger, and hatred. But I don't think you give any credit to Sith playbook any more anyway, do you?"

She paused. "Is there someone?"

"No," she said, "I've never really been able to connect with people. Like that or in any way, really. Only ones I've ever felt any sort of genuine connection to are either dead or just look at me with such disappointment in their eyes."

She shrugged. "Anyway, all I am is that fear, anger, and hatred. Sith playbook or not. "

"For starters, perhaps try to love yourself, Layne. That should probably start with some measure of self-forgiveness. I am not in your head but I think you may become more than just that ball of fear, anger, and hatred. This is also what the Jedi might tell you, but then they will sneak in all the excruciating obligations, guilt-tripping and moral restraining bolts that cripple you in a different way. If there is no-one, even marrying yourself to a singular purpose is an improvement. If you want the galaxy to be in a certain way, act on it and appreciate yourself for that... but hey, haven't you done that already?" Moyr chuckled. "But this time not for Baras, not for the Jedi. For yourself."

Sylvain Torsin wrote: ↑

Sun Aug 28, 2022 1:59 pm

"So, the old trapped in multiple lifetimes situation. That's a rough one, something I've actually imagined after getting super high. I'm curious, in how many of them did I turn on you? I'd guess not very often, and only when I was betrayed first or if I lost my family and went insane?"

He was curious about what the combination of the dark side and Sylvain thought of him.

"Yeah well, whatever," she said, "That all makes sense and what not, but first we got to figure out how to make it past this next bit. And I got to figure out how to not want to throw up at the thought of playing nice with the likes of Baras."

"Play nice? Why? Play you."

"If I played me I'd run him through. And then what?"

"Who says he has to live for the Zakuul to fall?"

"Mr and Mrs let's defeat the future with the power of friendship?" she raised a brow. "The people who won't hand me my lightsabers and armor back until I prove I'm not a murderous crazy person anymore?"

She shook her head.

"Ugh. It's not like I even particularly care whether he's dead or not. I just can't stand the thought of him winning. But I'm having a lot of trouble with that lately. Seeing other people 'win'."

"Winning what really? I don't think he has won anything worth fighting for."

Zeno Thul wrote: ↑

Sun Aug 28, 2022 3:53 pm

"So, the old trapped in multiple lifetimes situation. That's a rough one, something I've actually imagined after getting super high. I'm curious, in how many of them did I turn on you? I'd guess not very often, and only when I was betrayed first or if I lost my family and went insane?"

He was curious about what the combination of the dark side and Sylvain thought of him.

"Oh, in a second, that reminds me... I actually have a favor to ask."

Darth Bellious wrote: ↑

Sun Aug 28, 2022 4:33 pm

"Winning what really? I don't think he has won anything worth fighting for."

"Well, doesn't look like that to me," she said with a shrug.

Luth Khalan wrote: ↑

Sun Aug 28, 2022 7:27 pm

"Oh, in a second, that reminds me... I actually have a favor to ask."

"No problem, Luth. Just let me know and I'll do everything I can." There was no question or worry to his tone. He just accepted that it was something he'd want to do without even knowing.

Zeno Thul wrote: ↑

Sun Aug 28, 2022 7:38 pm

"No problem, Luth. Just let me know and I'll do everything I can." There was no question or worry to his tone. He just accepted that it was something he'd want to do without even knowing.

"I'd like my children to have the opportunity to make their own choices in life, not just get locked down to being someone's Legacy," she explained. "You have ties to the Empire, though. They could go their to observe your training without raising too many eyebrows. Could be risky, though."

"Though the problematic element in all this might have to be removed to make this whole working together thing work anyway, which would make the danger a moot point."

"They are children. If anyone from the Republic wants to wage some sort of doomed campaign against granting freedom and choice to children it's going to go poorly. They'd be welcome guests among Deathwright or Thul. Even with weakening relations between Thul and the empire there would still be a political alliance between my families," he says with a nod.

Sylvain just sat in silence eyes staring through the floor.

The voices around him seemed to blend and fade… they moved without him before and would continue even as he sat amongst them…

But something did feel different this time…

Zeno Thul wrote: ↑

Sun Aug 28, 2022 8:10 pm

"They are children. If anyone from the Republic wants to wage some sort of doomed campaign against granting freedom and choice to children it's going to go poorly. They'd be welcome guests among Deathwright or Thul. Even with weakening relations between Thul and the empire there would still be a political alliance between my families," he says with a nod.

"It's the Empire I'm more concerned about. Specifically Darth Baras. Though it's getting to the point where I'll have to confront him one way or another anyway."

Sylvain Torsin wrote: ↑

Sun Aug 28, 2022 9:14 pm

Sylvain just sat in silence eyes staring through the floor.

The voices around him seemed to blend and fade… they moved without him before and would continue even as he sat amongst them…

But something did feel different this time…

she was distracted for a just a moment, though. "You okay, Syl? You look pretty out of it."

He thinks about why that would be an issue and then it clicks. Because this was not the same worry Sylvain had. He hadn't seemed to be concerned specifically about Baras interfering with his daughter.

"Yeah. We'll do something to figure that out," he confirms with a nod.

Looking to Sylvain. "He is parsing reality I imagine. Trying to determine whether we are real. The question we should answer next is 'Has he had this discussion or one like it while in the vergence'. If the vergence had self awareness enough while merged with his mind to drive an introspective conversation with illusions of allies then it will be harder and take longer to ground him in reality."

Zeno Thul wrote: ↑

Sun Aug 28, 2022 9:50 pm

He thinks about why that would be an issue and then it clicks. Because this was not the same worry Sylvain had. He hadn't seemed to be concerned specifically about Baras interfering with his daughter.

"Yeah. We'll do something to figure that out," he confirms with a nod.

Looking to Sylvain. "He is parsing reality I imagine. Trying to determine whether we are real. The question we should answer next is 'Has he had this discussion or one like it while in the vergence'. If the vergence had self awareness enough while merged with his mind to drive an introspective conversation with illusions of allies then it will be harder and take longer to ground him in reality."

She gave him one of the warmest and most sincere smiles from her he might have seen since... maybe ever. Her moods were always tinged with some worry or fear, or muted and her true feelings kept hidden, aside from those times they had fully shared them. But she saw the understanding dawn and trusted him. "Thank you, Zeno. I appreciate it."

She looked to Syl when he spoke. "I get the feeling he lived a long time in there. Or a lot of times. So... yeah."

"I think Baras is to you what Zash was to me. It is a battle in your head."

Sylvain had no way of responding to the inquiries about his well-being. The two of them seemed to be working it out by themselves, however, which was comforting in some small sense.

If this was reality… then what he did actually mattered again… Well, it always had, but now there would be no redos. He stood quietly and walked over to the raised ramp leading out of the ship.

He opened the manual release and lowered the door… cold air rushing into the craft and blowing things about.

He stared for a moment out of the opening… contemplating something… he then grabbed the mask on his hip tightly and threw it from the craft…

He watched it fall through the air… spinning wildly before crashing down into a bank of snow.

There was no more reason for the thing… He’d have to live this life as himself. His true and only self… Somehow trust in that self…

He then pressed the button to seal the door closed behind him.

Luth jumped up as the door opened while they were in the air. "Whoah, Syl!" After the shock had passed, she walked over to him. "What was that about?"

“No sense in not being myself anymore… Best to let dead things die.” He said in an almost morose tone.

“If I don’t listen to my own spewing… how can I hope others will too?”

"Welcome to being who you are. I suggest doing so unapologetically," Zeno says lightheartedly.

"Nobody else is going to be you, so you may as well do it yourself right?"

Moyr, who had witnessed it from cockpit screens, couldn't kill a smile on her face. Not of satisfaction, it was something else. Hope?