Hoth: Blood and Ice

Whatever medical technicians or droids were available under these circumstances were working on restoring sight to Layne. She was blind for a little while yet, at least physically. But in other ways, her eyes were in the process of opening as she lay there thinking about what she'd seen in the cave...

...Daz. How she'd hated him when she first found him. Hadn't wanted to believe he was the family she was supposed to find. He was loud, and obnoxious, and stubborn in all the ways she herself was. But he was her cousin, after all. She looked out for him the best she could, desperate for that sort of connection to someone. All she'd had for family at that point, were ghosts, after all.

He was so similar to her. But so much better. She didn't need that vision to tell her that. She'd have never told him that's how she thought of him, of course, but she'd like to think she'd always known. That he would one day become a far better Jedi than she could ever hope to be.

Those kids with him in the vision. A *legacy*. Descendents. His, of course. Couldn't be hers, no, not with that hair. Not unless that was some recessive gene that had skipped a generation in her. But no, of course they were his. She couldn't imagine that in this future she saw, the hateful thing she ended up becoming would ever choose to have children.

Too busy chasing ghosts.

And Daz would end up killing her over it. Was it really how it had to be, like he'd told her? It would be a kind of justice, she supposed, after how much she'd tried convincing people that her going back to the darkness was *how it had to be *.

Had to be? No.There had to be *another* way.

She couldn't do this to him. To make him be the one to kill her. He was clearly strong enough to not fall because of it. But still. She could not let it happen that way. What then? If this was destiny, how to change it? What bargain to make?

Already, she was thinking in those terms. What power to seek out. What sacrifice to make, to avert one dark fate only to replace it with another. No. That was what started all of this. There is no greater good in the dark.

He was told it was customary to bring a gift to those who had found themselves in medical holding for awhile. After double checking this time, he did confirm it was rather lax on the standards. He did not want to have to wander around Junktown figuring it all out. So he grabbed some "Hoth Chocolate" from Pipka and brought it in to see her.

She did look rough. Rather strange for her self-imposed exile from the base after she came out as a double agent for the Sith. Well, came in and he sat there staring at her, reading her body heat. Seemed rather conflicted.

Maybe there was something he could do to help that.

She may not even have been aware of him, to be honest. Aside from the fact her eyes probably had to remain covered for at least a few hours after any medical procedures, she was focused inward, on that conflict Nudi apparently sensed despite having no force sensitivity. Then again, wasn't hard to figure out. Even for a chiss.

Placing the cup down on the table, he witnessed her heat signatures dance around her. It was much like Senya's daughter in a lot of ways. Signs of anxiety. Out of all the signatures he had seen, that was the one he saw in humans the most. Could also be her body was slowly adjusting to the temperature after rentering the base.

"So, you are alive, Layne." He said with a large shrug. "Not whole, but alive. Not bad for your second attempt at wandering the snowy wastes. Tell me, do Force users often have to wander in dangerous conditions for them to find themselves or whatever it is you humans call it? I've never known Lana to do it."

"...You're all that came?"

Figures nobody would come to see her. Not after what she'd done. Maybe it was too late after all, just like she'd told them. Only person to show up... some emotionless pervert who'd she met only a few times.

"...Why?"

"Because." He said, placing the cup nearby her again a little more loudly. "Chiss pay their debts, and you, Layne Hoshin, are someone I owe a great deal to. Without you, I would not have had what was maybe the best 5 years of my life since I left the Ascendency."

He nodded. "Hoth Chocolate. With goat milk. My gift to you to get well soon. A much better gifting experience this time around, thought that was due to my options being limited here."

"...I don't even know you."

She had *no* idea what he was talking about whatsoever.

"Oh, you do. Rather surprised, since everyone seems to have heard of the Turtle nowadays. I suppose, though, one never does know the full impact they have one another's life. We met on Alderaan at the beach. You have a excellent figure, by the way." He nodded and realized that she would not be able to grab the cup, seeing as she was blind. "Just tell me when you wish to consume it and I will hand it to you."

"Yes, that was where I first met you and saw Lana Beniko for the first time. You did mention she was your classmate or something like that. I also ferried you to the moon nearby and you helped me a little buying her a gift."

He would give her a moment to possibly recall this story. 5 years was a long time, after all.

She was beginning to understand that she had a habit of forgetting about people, dismissing them as soon as some part of her decided they had no importance to the plot that was her own life. She was even beginning to understand *why* she had that habit.

"...Lana..."

The name *was* familiar.

"...not a class mate. She... attended the academy a few years later I think..."

And what else? The moon? Delaya. She didn't remember being ferried there. She had her own ship and... oh. Hmm... she *did* have to come back to it after that first time. Incognito...

...lot of people died the first time, after all. Just like him, forgotten. Collateral damage, unimportant to her story. And even before that... she'd come there to deliver refugees. Slaves she'd smuggled out of the Empire. A good thing, she supposed. But forgotten again as soon as she left them there. Nothing but a vehicle for her guilt.

"Oh good, you remember her at least." He shrugged, not at all offended. "So, yes. Because of your actions, I found myself with her. 5 years later, through the hardships of being romantically involved with a human and trying to understand...everything that is has. For instance, did you know that you are supposed to remember anniversaries every year? Still does not make sense to me, if I am being honest, but human customs require that you must do something every year to commemorate the event. Why not just at landmark lengths of time to make things simple and more meaningful?"

He paused and looked at her over, her heat fluctuating still. "Oh, and if you tell anyone I am with her, we'll deny it. Which, I am sad to say, I am unsure how much weight your word holds at this current point in time. A real pity, considering the life you've lead up till now." There wasn't any condescending in his tone, merely calm as it always was.

If she'd learned the fact earlier, that he had somehow managed to not only score with a Sith Lord like Lana Beniko, but had managed to turn it into a long-term relationship... her head would probably have exploded. As it was... she didn't really have the emotional energy to be surprised about it.

Besides, he just kept rambling on and on so much that it wasn't like there was any opportunity for shock or awe anyway. And when he stopped, it was on the kind of note that forced her to reflect on herself again, instead of the absurd realities of others.

"... Yeah... well... my word never held weight anyway," she said.

"Well, being a double agent often leads to that end result." He nodded and brought over a chair. "So, yes, my debt to you. I figured you could use someone to talk to. Someone who was not a friend, not a Jedi, not a Sith..." He paused. "...Though in a long-term relationship with one. Shouldn't sway me, I swear. But yes, not part of the Republic, not part of the Empire either."

He sat down in the chair and leaned in closer to her.

"A completely unbound, unbiased person with a unique perspective on things to maybe help you figure out why you are at the point in your life to where you thought wandering in the snow for almost 20 days was a excellent life decision. And the best part, I won't even charge you."

"...twenty days?"

There was something else he'd said too that didn't make sense. Something about being a double-agent or something, but that got pushed aside and discarded. Twenty days? Had it really been *that* long?

Couldn't have been.

"Indeed it has. Normally I don't keep track of such things so intently, but we do have a rather powerful Dark Side Force user with rather disturbing parental issues threating to kill us all in 5 days, and we find ourselves placed in a trap that someone of my own kind has helped make, so you know it is of a rather superior design." Nudimsu takes a deep breath and exhales.

"Do not think otherwise, as I am genuinely concerned for you. Not only because of my debt of gratitude to you, of course, but seeing as you are one of the most powerful saber users that I know to be here on this base, you stand the best chance to help me survive this ordeal. So, I am sorry to say, there is also a little touch of self-interest in my part of being here. I hope you'll forgive me for having it, given the circumstances."

He gives a large shrug and thinks it over. "Perhaps I am letting my fear of Vaylin get the better of me." He scoffs. "Rather odd."

A deep sigh emerged from her form. The existantial kind.

"...She's a problem... but... I may have to give up on being the hero of the story."

For Daz's sake, as well as her own.

"Yes, she is quite the problem. However, I don't see why you would want to give up. Every good story requires the hero to reach a low point on their journey. Pipka, for instance, has this rather interesting book series he often reads about a hero who does amazing things. Tends to be a little too erotic for my tastes, personally." He shrugs a little and continues to stare. "But, the key to a good story of a heroic tale is that it requires that the hero reach a low point. Heroine, I suppose in this case, but you get the idea. It makes the return that much more impactful. To come from their lowest point, where they have failed or have lost something or someone, and still manage to do what is needed tends to make for more impactful stories. If everyone was great at everything they did, had no failings or faults, or even faults that are hardly seeing as such, that would not make for a relatable story."

Nudimsu paused and thought for a moment. "It may surprise you, but I have my own faults and shortcomings. Even in the things I was trained to be perfect at, I can still fall short sometimes."

"I don't know if I deserve to not give up..." she said "...I don't know if I can live with the consequences if I don't."

The seeds of realization were there. She just still had to work it all out before she could really come to grips with it.

"It would be the easiest decision to give up on things. For instance. My decisions & my actions have helped and hurt so many people. Because I couldn't hold my tongue to a Imperial officer, I was exiled from my house, my family, my very planet. So, I find myself do small things in order to get back to where I can get back into their graces to maybe one day even be allowed to return there, just so I could at least visit. Woupd have been much easier to just sit out and space and wallow for the rest of my life."

Looking over at her and how pathetic she looked, he decided to move to a different angle. "At the same time, those very consequences of my actions that forced me out the Ascendancy also to have my own small family. I...dare even say, maybe even found a sort of love too." He paused. "Don't mention that either, I will deny it."

He paused. "It's something I consider every day for a few moments at a time, though. How many of my own people died because I was not there to pilot some transport or shoot down some ship. How much hardship I caused my Family and my House for my embarrassment. Even now, I do consider the small things. Had I avoided that last ion blast coming in, would the Turtle not have crashed? If I had gone with Hacha, would he have lost his hand? If I have voiced my concerns over that barbaric cult, would Nau'tiri still be alive? In Huttball, what if I had actually just kicked the ball, despite the taboo, could I have won that game in Alderaan. "

He gave a deep sigh. "The curse of being so intelligent is that I often think of multiple possibilities in my head before and after they occur. Suppose that your Force Foresight does allow for something similar. Lana...tends to know a lot of outcomes. Knows if I'll be late. Knows where I'll be to come join me back on the ship. Tends to be one of the more bothersome aspects of our relationship, if I am being honest. Also one of the nice ones. Mixed feelings, I suppose you could say." He lifted his head a little and shook his head, not that Layne would see that.

He shook his head. "That is not the point, I suppose. Point is, well, I spend some time for self-loathing and regret at the actions I did, especially when something terrible happens because of it. The difference, I suppose is that once that is over, I move forward with myself and learn from them to best ensure it does not happen again. Unfortunately, you do not have the benefit of Chiss conditioning that I was put thru since birth to be able to do that easily. So, how about we start by talking about what is going on inside your head that prevents you from becoming the heroine you were meant to be?"

It was hard to follow him; the strange turns his arguments took. Huttball? Really?

"...Could you just... go from wanting to give up to.. not... in just... what... a day? An hour? I'm not like you. I didn't just lose a huttball game, or because I wasn't there when people needed me."

She tried to sit up straight, but she couldn't; the medical droids would prevent her from moving too much if she tried. Finally elicing a sigh and dismissive wave of her hand as she agreed to lay back down.

"...I... I've killed a lot of people. And not just because they were on the other side or I didn't know they'd end up that way before I did things... I killed them knowingly... for many reasons... some unforgiveable..."

She sighed again. "Why should I be allowed to just move on when I only figured it all out... I don't know... this morning? How could that be okay?"

"Ahh, so now we are discussing it. Good. Well, death happens every day." He said with a deep sigh. "Life is snuffed carelessly and for a whole variety of reasons. It is sad and tragic. What is worse, it seems that some of those lives you were involved in. My own regrets pales in comparison to yours, of that I do not deny or diminish." He looked her over as she moved about. "As I said, I will give you the drink if you are ready for it. No need to move about."

He stopped and stared at her as she began to sete "No, I do not expect you to master something that took me to reach adulthood to learn. It was a hard 10 years, after all. The luxury of time, sadly, is not with you. If we are to survive, if you are to survive, the sorrow and guilt you feel must be repressed enough until after we have left. Or at the very least, until your day in court is over."

Omandri walked into the medical bay with a white coat over his other clothing he observed them for a moment walking up and grabbing a data pad at the end of her bed. He didn't want to interrupt as the topic seemed serious based on body language.

"I have repressed it for far too long," she said, aware that someone had come in by way of their footsteps, but otherwise ignorant of their identity or purpose.

"I can't do that again. I'd just end up making the same mistakes all over again."

He turned his head over to the footsteps and saw his long-since forgotten underwear model. He waved at him in greeting, but said nothing else.

"I am sorry." His tone did not give much signal to the sincerity of those words. "Life has asked too much of you over the years, and the Jedi do not offer much means to ease the burdens you bear. Even I take the time to mourn and regret when my assignment ends. You just keep getting asked to the a world's worth of burdens again and again with little breathing room. I think no one who knew would deny that you deserve a rest from them."

There is a long sigh. "However, we do not often get what we deserve. You have to be asked to, once more, do too much and be rewarded with more regret and suffering. It truly is not fair to you, but the alternative is likely the death of everyone here. My own personal benefit aside, I would not like to see you add further to those regrets of death. Despite the rumors, after all, I am not a droid."

"You're not asking me to suffer," she said, "you're asking for injustice to win, because it's convenient. I'll just... get away with it again... play the hero again. Obsess over it again. That's why this happened again in the first place."

"Is it impossible to do both?" He looked confused. "Do you hold that your life holds more value than those you killed that that with your ereasure of existence, it would balance the scales? Yet, here I am, being told by others I had a high view of myself countless times."

He scoffs at her. "Perhaps, if atonement is what you truly wish to seek, an alternative could be found. Maybe find a way to make those deaths matter to balance the scales, rather than just a poultry offer of just your own death."