Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Breela Po]

Obviously the first thing Breela did when she got back was find her daughter. Though she wasn't at all pleased to find her with yesterdays sparring partner... and a little too close for comfort at that.

But whatever. After affectionately smacking the young man across the head and sending him back to his unit. She took Z aside and updated her. Turns out she wasn't exactly surprised that he had gone his own way. But she was definitely hurt that he hadn't come home, and she needed a little time alone to process. So Breela defaulted to two choices:

Feel sorry for herself, or drink.

She was ready to choose the latter. So very ready. She'd grabbed the bottle and stared at it. Contemplated it really: Salvation in Amber. Except it wasn't. It was liquid temptation, weakness. That's all it ever was, all it had ever been.

She wanted so very badly to drink, to give in. And she almost did, right before opting for the former after all. Which took the form of her throwing the bottle across the room and screaming before breaking down sobbing.

This went on for a little while. Before she pulled herself together and went off looking for Thy.

[Thy Yulani]

Thy was tending to some of the lesser wounded.

[Breela Po]

Thy was tending to some of the lesser wounded.

"How can I help?" Breela asks eager to jump in and do something. "I've got stims handy if you need."

[Thy Yulani]

She said, "These mostly just need blankets and comfort they have been treated and brought here to rest. Things could have been much worse but we did much better than expected."

"The base really pulled together."

[Breela Po]

Breela looks around at the suffering she had somehow been oblivious to and feels no small amount of shame. "I've been needed here, needed to do my part. But I've been wearing blinders around my periphery."

She follows Thy's lead and fetches blankets and pillows. Does her part tending to the injured.

"Have you been told about our success yet? Galen bought the pirates of Junktown. Even got word to Alderaan about our condition." She sighs, "Also I found my son among them. He's the Immortal now." She frowns. "All my children are accounted for. And I don't know how to feel."

[Thy Yulani]

Thy paused and placed a hand on her shoulder and said, “I am pleased they are well but this must also open different wounds. I am here if you need me to listen, friend.”

[Breela Po]

She tilts her head towards Thy's hand, her expression pained. "He hates me Thy. I could feel it in his words." A single tear pools at the edge of her vision, but she wipes it away. "I failed him... I wasn't there for him when he needed me. I was never there really. Sure before our home was occupied, before I took over the local resistance. We had a couple of years. But then afterwards the Order found me again and that was that."

She crosses her arms in an effort to retreat, to make herself smaller. She's barely able to look at Thy, overcome as she is by grief.

"I rejoined the order because I thought it would keep them safe - not out of duty or nostalgia for home. It was supposed to keep them safe, but it did the opposite. It got Khaji killed, Z won't even tell me what happened on Coruscant. And now my son hates me." She looks pitifully at Thy. "I should hate the Jedi, be well on my way to becoming a Sith. But I don't. Because it is our family. Because you and Satele are my big sisters. Because I..." she scoffs bitterly, "...I like helping people. I like being in the light."

She shrugs and shakes her head.

"So again, I don't know how I should feel. I don't know what to do."

[Thy Yulani]

"Well take solace in what you do have and then start the slow process of maybe rebuilding a relationship with your children," she said. "Nothing happens overnight, but over days, months, and years you can find common ground."

[Breela Po]

She sighs, "At the risk of sounding like Layne, what if we don't have that kind of time? Am I supposed to be content, trust in the force?" The questions were rhetorical of course. She shakes her head and goes back to helping out the injured. "Bide my time and hold out hope huh? Why not... it worked in the past. I just-" she pauses, "-I hate waiting you know?"

She sighs and tucks a shivering soldier in before checking his temperature. "You'll be okay, just rest." She whispers softly.

[Thy Yulani]

"You can force it, but it tends to end poorly. It may not end well even with time, but all you can do is try, Breela. If it means something to you, just try." She added, "I don't think there is a single answer that will make this better for you."

[Breela Po]

"No... I know." She frowns. "At this point I'm just moping." She looks at Thy and gives a half-smile, "Thanks for being there, for listening. It is enough." She puts her head down and buries herself in work. "You know if you ever want to gripe, mope, or just grab a cup of tea in silence, I'm here for you as well."

[Thy Yulani]

"I will take you up on the tea, though you may be disappointed if you expect moping," she said with a light chuckle. "I'm an annoying optimist."

[Breela Po]

"Yeah you are," she grins back, "and don't you dare change."

/scene?

[Dapper Dog]

/scene