Hoth: Blood and Ice

She had written the two letters for the family of Lt.Ujips, having no idea if they would ever even reach them. Someone she *could* reach though, here and now, was Daz; though she had no idea if he actually *wanted* her to reach out and try. He hadn't come see her the day before, after all. Though, she realized it wasn't up to him to take that step. She had to be the one to do so.

Her confinement yesterday had served as a convenient excuse, but it could serve her no longer. And with how she believed things were about to kick off, she wasn't sure if she'd have any more chances if she didn't speak with him now.

So, she set out to find Daz. Her cousin. Or was it brother, after all? If not literally, then in spirit, at least.

As she approached his room she could feel his presence on the other side, he was not alone, there as at least another she had felt before if only briefly. Right after she landed.

She struggled to remember where she had felt that presence; and who it was attached to. She had an *idea*, but she couldn't be certain until she'd see.

Layne almost just burst through the door as per her usual way of doing things; but she decided to knock instead.

Daz was seated on his bed as the door opened and looked surprised to see Layne. Seated across from him was the blonde Sith she met and next to her a dark haired woman.


"Oh Master Sith Layne, love your work... now when killing Republic soldiers do you go for the quick kill or the make them suffer route?" she said with a wild smile.


"Really?" the other said.

The dark haired one said, "It's an honest question."

It was a surprise to see these sith here, to be sure; even after sensing one of them. She assumed he was counseling them somehow... or perhaps the ot her way around; but she didn't think that was particularly likely.

Layne allowed herself to feel things now that she'd closed herself off from before, no longer trying to detach herself from such things the way she'd done most of these past years. As a result, the raven-haired girl's taunt wasn't one she simply tried to ignore entirely... but she *had* decided to not feel sorry for herself, and to accept things as they were.

"...It was quick and painless," she said, acknowledging the reality of things as they were; neither enjoying having to say it, nor allowing it to create a guilt-enhancing feedback loop again.

She looked to Daz then. "I thought... we might talk."

"Efficiency, I see," she said admirably.


"Another time, Daz," she said rising.

The dark haired one said, "Ugh... we just got here. Fine."

She watched them go, then watched the closed door behind them for a few moments before turning.

"Friends of yours?"

A little light quip, to try and keep the mood from turning too dark too quick.

"Yeah, they hooked me up with some great music for tonight," he responded.

"The Sith always did have the better music," she said.

She took in a deep breath. "Listen, how much did Baesal tell you after... after I saw her yesterday?"

"I have not talked to her recently, why?" he said getting up to get things sorted in his room.

"I..." She looked around, for a place to sit, using the time spent doing so to not just start sobbing again. "...I told her why I did it. And what I found in there."

She finally decided on a place to sit. "And how it was what I needed to learn, in order to realize I never needed to do it in the first place."

"Hope it was worth it," he said over his shoulder.

She looked away at that.

"...I am not a good person, Daz. I know that."

"You were never a good person, but at least you tried until you didn't," he said.

Damn it, she promised herself she wouldn't cry.

"I'm not a good person. But i'm not a bad one either. I'm just... me. That's all I can be. It *wasn't* worth another life for me to come to terms with that. But it's what happened."

The tears started flowing regardless of her intent. "I could never figure out how to live with myself before. All the things that were done to me, and all the things I did. Even if others might say the circumstances left me no choice, I know I still made those choices myself. I got obsessed with finding some way to make up for it, when what I *should* have done first, before redemption, was learn to accept myself. I never did that. Never could."

"The only reason I can do it now is because I saw where it would lead us if I don't. What I would end up making *you* do."

"What do you do for fun?" he asked.

She blinked through the tears, not expecting that response.

"...what?"

"The only thing I ever see you do is be morose, train, and rush off to try and save the galaxy. What do you do you just for you?" he asked.

"I like to make my content, I also enjoy gardening, and I started learning how to cook... better."

"I..." she thought about it, but coulf come up with nothing.

"...I don't. That's... kind of part of what I've been saying I guess."

“Yeah, your whole life is train, go fight and probably kill people and then justify it. That’s not healthy. I don’t enjoy it, I might be good at it, I might enjoy the moment, but I am not living my life to save the universe. I am here to bring goodness, and we do that, but we bring a lot of death too, we are not good people, but we keep trying,” he said honestly.

"Find a hobby."

"You're right. It isn't healthy. I know that now. And I *want* to figure it out. To just... be a person, instead of always having to be the hero or the villain. I'm not sure if I can do it in the way you want me to, but I promise you... I'm done with trying to save everyone on the off-chance it'll let me live with myself."

She would try and grab him for a hug then, if he let her.

"You are so much better than me. Always have been. And I know that no matter what happens, you will turn out just fine. But, if I can make things a little less hard for you with it... I'll learn how to save myself. Maybe even find that hobby."

He patted her back and said, "Just do something."

"You are my brother, Daz. No matter what. The only real thing I ever had..."

She swallowed away a few tears.

"...thing are going to start happening soon. No matter our intentions going in, some of us may not make it out the other side. You will be fine though. I know you will, because I've seen it. You will be a great master to others."

Layne closed her eyes.

"If, a very long time from now, you come to meet two siblings called Jax and Petrus... help them out, will you? Both of them, but especially the girl. She reminds me more of me, and could probably use the help more than the brother. He's more like you."

...

"And tell them the real story this time."

“Umm… sure, who?” he said with confusion. “I’ll trust that will make sense one day.”

"They're family," she said, slowly pulling herself out of the hug.

"Long time from now though, so don't worry about it. Anyway how's... the..."

Her eyes moved over to the prosthetic hand, then away again almost right away.

"...well, you know what I mean... I'm sorry."