Hoth: Blood and Ice

[Layne Hoshin]

Layne sat there, in the dark of her make-shift cell. The conflict within still raging, even if it was pulling from the opposite direction now. She was quiet; feeling sorry for herself and trying to make sense of it all.

Eager for it all to just end.

[Baesal Zyn]

The corridor soon reverberated with the echo of steps. Their rythm did not indicate timidity or uncertainty.

They had purpose

And then a shape appeared into view

"Layne"

[Layne Hoshin]

Medical science and skill had healed her injuries; but Layne remained every bit the broken woman she'd been when she was laying out in the snow, blind and waiting to die. It was an ironic thing; the whirlwind of emotions inside of her were to blame for how dead and passive she appeared on the outside.

She could not look up. Could not bring herself to speak. Or react at all to the sound of her own name.

[Baesal Zyn]

There was the sound of fingers tapping on a screen

"Layne?" She asked again

[Layne Hoshin]

It *would* be Baesal, of course. The other Jedi, well... they'd have given up on her by now. She wouldn't have been able to look up at them anyway, if they'd have come. The people who had cautioned her. The people she had scorned. The people she had *betrayed*, as she had betrayed herself.
As was their right.

Not Baesal though; she was often as stubborn as Layne could be. After all she'd done to her and the others, Layne should not be allowed to do this one more thing to any of them. Least of all Baesal.

And yet...

...mustering what little strength she still had, she looked up and opened her mouth. Though barely more than a whisper emerged.

"...Please... help me..."

Layne had always been a creature of fear; imposing it on others with the greatest of ease. She had used that talent both as a Sith, pushing people to the brink of despair themselves; and as a Jedi; in hopes of keeping people from that same despair. But nothing she had ever said might inspire fear like the look in her eyes and the strain in that whisper. The kind of primal fear people experience when a stranger suddenly cries out in horror, and everyone around them has that instinctual grasp that something terrible has happened.

This had nothing to do with any trial or the punishment that she might receive because of it. This was something else.

"...please."

The vision that had broke her to be this thing she was now, that had been the *darkest* moment she had spoken of to Darth Baras, of course. But at the time, it was *this* moment she was imagining. To plead forgiveness, only to be told that she would be offered none; that she had made her decision, and that now she had to live with it...

...alone.

[Baesal Zyn]

Whatever lock or guard that blocked entry to the cell gave no resistance to the Jedi Master, not now that her mind was set. She came closer to her fallen friend and knelt besides the poor woman.

''Have no fear. I am here for you Layne.''

She passed a hand through her hair, something she would never have had allowed before

''Tell me what happened''

[Layne Hoshin]

Hearing those words, Layne just started crying uncontrolleably; crying like she'd never cried before. Not since she was a little girl who'd just lost everything. Layne was a badass; even the future had told her as much; someone who had stood strong and tall, who could take more blows than anyone but would just grit her teeth and kept coming. Seemingly always moving, never stopping to look back, never complaining about bad food, bad accommodations, or having to risk her hide for anything.

Right now, she was so very far from the image of that.

It went on seemingly forever, before the tears and sobbing slowed down just enough for her to actually speak.

"...I saw it..."

"...I saw where it all ends..."

[Baesal Zyn]

This display was troubling indeed. She had known Layne the longest and this was bad news...but also...a hope. She was at the lowest point she'd ever been but now she could build herself back up on her own terms. Heal at last? It'll be tricky though.

Baesal took it upon herself to comfort her as best she could, holding her up in her arms.

''It's allright. Take it slow, I will not go away. Start with the beginning''

[Layne Hoshin]

"...I can't do it, Baesal... I can't let him be the one to have to do it..." Slowly some of the tears got wiped away. Deep breaths. Centering herself as best as she could. Ever so slowly.

"...the beginning is... too much. But... the middle... Do you know why I went in there? Why I *really* went in there?"

[Baesal Zyn]

''You said you were going to look for something if I recall. Something to use against the Emperor?''

Their last meeting before her disappearance had been a whirlwind in many aspects. Her mental state had been her first priority then but she got that much.

[Layne Hoshin]

"I think I talked about it, before going... A little... Just not clearly."

She shifted her position slightly.

"...I think I know now. Or I'm starting to figure it out... I went to the Jedi because I didn't want to be angry all the time anymore. But the problem is I never learned to forgive myself for all the things I'd done. I'd done so many terrible things, things you don't even know about. Nobody does. Nobody who'se on this planet, anyway.... Pouring soup for the homeless for a few months just doesn't cut it. Nothing could've. But you all just kept insisting I'd redeemed myself anyway, which only made it worse."

Every word was slow to come, every sentence slow to finish. But she was getting through it.

"That's why I've always just kept moving even when becoming a Jedi. Always fighting. Didn't matter why, or who, so long as it seemed vaguely like a good enough cause. Had to make up for it all somehow. I latched on to what the emperor was planning because... I thought if I was the one to stop him, then that would make it all okay. If you're going to balance out all the bad you've done, saving the whole damn galaxy is pretty sure to do the trick, right? That's why I kept it secret, because I didn't want anyone to steal away my chance to earn my forgiveness."

"That's why it *had* to be me. That's why I barely held it together when I wasn't there for the end of it, only making it through by telling myself they managed it only because of the groundwork I'd laid. And then I moved forward. And I stopped being angry at myself. Then, I saw what I saw in the vergence the first time. And Spindral confirmed it. And the ground beneath me stopped being solid and fell away."

"I didn't think I deserved what I'd been given. So I wanted to throw it all away. Telling myself that there was something to be learned or gained in there if I'd go back in a second time. Something that'd make it all worthwhile. Something that'd help me balance it all out, even the new terrible things I'd do to get there..."

"Well...I went in there and learned exactly what I needed to hear, I guess. And if I had known it beforehand, I never would've been so stupid."

She gave deep sigh.

"I saw my future. As told by Daz, telling it to people who I think were born a *very* long time after any of us will be dust."

[Baesal Zyn]

Baesal held her tight as she spoke, reflectig on her own choice. In truth she had been lucky to escape when she did, she never had to commit number of atrocities Layne had been forced to.

The Sith had many ways to crush the spirit and establish their dominion on someone. Pushing someone to murder their own soul was one of the most devious and evil.

''I see'' she began ''Forgiveness is...difficult. The very conscience that pushes you to seek it holds you from reaching it.''

She took her time, not wanting to rush this. She had managed to stay composed until now but she felt herself cracking.

''I do not know...I do not know the right words to make you feel right.'' she breathed in ''I am afraid I will kriff things up...but I want to know this: I want you to stand back up. I want to feel like you have earned your peace...and I am not the only one. You do deserve to work for a chance at a redemption you will accept.''

[Layne Hoshin]

"I just... want to avoid that future I saw... at least make it... so that he's not the one to have to end it. Even if I know he'll come through it okay in the end."

[Baesal Zyn]

She was not sure of the future Layne had seen and wondered if she should ask

''I do know something about worrying for the future.'' she said, biting her tongue ''The future, however is built in the present. You saw what would be, you can change this...forge yourself anew.''

[Layne Hoshin]

Baesal needn't ask; Layne needed to share that future anyhow. And she needed to share it with Baesal, especially. If there was anyone at all who could help her with this, it would be the one who had taken on Daz as their padawan.

"...I fell unto another world, familiar though I couldn't be sure. And then he walked toward me. He was older, harsher looking, and scarred. Prosthetic hand. It was him. It was Daz. And there were hundreds of other people behind him, I didn't know any of them, but I think I know who they were."

The next part hurt, tears welling up again.

"He told me that no matter what, even murdering innocents, he would always love me. Not just as a cousin, but as a sister..."

Her voice cracked; "...and that what happens next is how it has to be."

She composed herself again; best she could; before continuing. "Two of the people behind him came closer. Distant descendents, I think. His, probably. A brother and a sister, I think. She was more like me, the way she spoke. Talked about how they could've used me in some fight they had, but that they won anyway. And then the brother put his hand on my shoulder. He was so impressed. About what an inspiration through the dark times I was to Master Daz, how without me they wouldn't exist, and how sad it was that he didn't know what happened to me after the war."

"...and then Daz told them he'd lied to them. And he told them the real story."

Again the voice cracked.

"How I fell to the Dark Side trying to achieve some greater good. Turning my back on the Jedi, my friends, and myself. That when the war came I was already lost. Twisted into the very thing I tried to destroy. Seeing conspiracies everywhere. Always needing more power to defeat an emperor who was already dead, as the galaxy burned. That I told myself killing my friends was just one step and they'd forgive me when the ends justified the means. How in the end... he had to track me down and end it."

More tears came.

"...I saw him stand against my future self, and there was nothing left of me but hate. Then we fought... and I saw my head roll across the floor... I can't do that to him Baesal. I can't let him be the one to have to do it."

[Baesal Zyn]

Now...she did not expect this but she believed it the moment Layne spoke it. The bond between Layne and Daz was strong, stronger then both of them cared to admit, so it made sense that this vision would shake Layne from her path.

She did not speak a word for quite a moment as she still held Layne, still organizing her thoughts

''You won't...not anymore.''

She paused again, staring into nowhere

''You have not found what you wanted but what you needed to find. The future is open now...it's scary, for sure, but as long as you act for the well-being of another you can be the Layne Daz knows you to be. It will not be easy and you might have to venture into the unknown to make your own path but you have the opportunity now.''

She frowns ever so slightly

''Perhaps you should speak to him?''

[Layne Hoshin]

"I'm not sure I can face him..." she said, "...not after what I did. And I'm afraid... what if he doesn't want to listen?"

...

"...I've always known he'd become a better Jedi than I ever could... But he has every right to reject me now... and I'm afraid he'll be too much like me... too much like our blood... I don't want him to have to experience that same darkness, even knowing he'll make it through in the end."

[Baesal Zyn]

''You'll have to...maybe not right now...but you'll have to.''

[Layne Hoshin]

"...Yeah," she managed to say, after a while.

[Baesal Zyn]

She let the silence air for a few minutes.

"There is a trial coming"

[Layne Hoshin]

"...I know," she said, her tone of voice suggesting she didn't think it was anything near as important as any of the things she'd just talked about.

[Baesal Zyn]

While she agreed that it was not as important...it still was

"I'll handle it" she simply says

[Layne Hoshin]

"...You should just let them judge me," she said.

She figured there was no way for them to stop her terrible destiny by way of the trial, anyhow. Even if they judged her in the harshest way possible, fate was likely to conspire to get her to that final end somehow anyway.

[Baesal Zyn]

She sighed ''I believe that the first step is to fix things is to face responsibility. I know it won't be great but don't give up. Do this for those who need it.''

[Layne Hoshin]

"...Then don't try to get me a not-guilty verdict..."